Trying Everything

I have made a decision a while back- I am going to try everything I can while I'm here in Honduras.  If someone offers for me to participate in an activity, I'm going to do it.  When someone offers me a food that I've never even heard of before, I'm going to eat it.  I am going to learn to love where I am and experience life TODAY instead of wishing for something in the future.  Well, I am learning that I love a lot of things about Honduras, especially the people, the culture and the delicious food that they make.

Last week we celebrated the 8th anniversary at the school.  All of the Honduran teachers were working diligently to prepare different parts of the celebration.  One day during my planning period, I walked in and Laura was working on making a piñata-style mask for one of the dances.  When I offered to help she smiled and showed me the process.  I loved it!  I am an arts and crafts kinda girl and this was right up my alley!

Another thing that I got to experience for the first time was playing soccer. I've never understood the rules of soccer and it never seemed like something I would enjoy.  But yesterday after a meeting at work, I was asked if I wanted to play soccer.  I accepted, however I explained that I had NO idea what was going on.  Everyone that was playing was super nice about it and even passed it to me a few times.  I was able to assist on two goals! It was so much fun and I can't wait to play again soon!

The last thing that I am super grateful for is the food here.  The other teachers at the school are great at offering for me to try all of cultural food that they bring in for lunch. Gloria from the pulperia (concession stand/cafeteria) is always whipping up delicious local cuisine, too.  I have fallen in love with fresh salsas, baleadas, pupusas, gringas, and so so much more.   As I try new things I always ask what is in it and how to make it.

Last night Madeline, a wonderful coworker and parent to one of my students, invited the four of us over to her house for dinner.  She was making pupusas for us.  Earlier in the week, when Madeline and I were talking, I mentioned my desire to learn how to cook classic Honduran meals, especially pupusas because they are just so delicious! So as soon as we arrived and met all of her wonderful extended family, she said "Cheryl, it's time for you to learn!" I was so excited I basically ran into the kitchen.  She had the dough prepared, quesillo mashed, and the chicarron was ready.  She told me the process for creating the tortilla dough, and explained that chicarrron is their form of bacon.  Her patience with me while explaining the process was awesome! As we made them with her sister, we talked and laughed and I was just so happy to be here, in Honduras, learning to cook and spend time with such wonderful people!

Dinner was absolutely delicious and the conversation, bilingual of course, was super fun! It was a great night and I hope to continue to learn new things and continue to build relationships with those around me.  Ohh, and I can't wait to learn how to cook even more of my favorite Honduran things!

I would like to challenge you to try new things.  The more I have tried new things, the more I have learned to love where I am and the hard moments are easily forgotten because there is so much joy in trying something new.  Life is so much more enjoyable when you are pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone.  I know I'll be busy trying everything!

Beacon of Light in the Darkness

In my last post "I love you at your darkest", I shared about how I have been feeling in the dark lately. Well my good friend and current roommate, Jenny, gave me a copy of a book entitled "Seeking the Beloved: A prayer journey with St. John of the Cross" by Wayne Simsic.  If you share any of the sediments of that post, I suggest that you pick up a copy of this book.

Right now, God is speaking to my soul so much through this author.

"Faith constantly call us beyond our limitations because we never really know God, 

so the darkness increases as our faith deepens." 

I feel like I have definitely been called beyond my personal limitations here in Honduras - I am away from so many people I love and all of the comforts of my previous life.  But as I enter more into the darkness, my faith has to increase.  The more time I spend in pryer, the more I realize how far away I am from the One that created me.  The more I learn and get to know God, the more I realize I don't know.  It's a beautiful and stressful contradiction.  I have to have trust more, depend less on how I feel and more on what I know to be true.... I need to grow in faith.

God is calling me into the darkness right now.  Instead of feeling despair, this book has given me hope.  Hope that this is what is necessary to purify my heart - to prepare me for whatever it is that God has planned next.

"Love joins faith in showing us the way through the inevitable darkness that comes with spiritual growth.  It is faith that prepares us for union with God by drawing us into the unknown, and it is love - the heart's longing for the divine - that provides light even in the thickest darkness of night."

I have always been blessed to be aware of God's never ending love for me.  I am learning now to have faith in that love even when I do not feel it.  This darkness was inevitable.  If I was in the states or living here in Honduras, the darkness was coming.  God set this time aside in my life to experience this. I am blessed to have this time of sanctification to get even closer to God.  This faith in his unceasing love is my beacon of hope as I continue through this darkest part of my journey to Him yet.  I pray that each of you have hope in the boundless love of our amazing God so that when your darkness comes, it just doesn't seem as dark as it could be.

I love you at your darkest

I'm going to be completely honest here - life is hard.  Life is hard for everyone.  No matter where you are in the world. No matter what possession you have.  No matter what the situation... Life is hard.

When I lived in Pittsburgh and worked at one of the highest ranked schools in the state, life was hard.  It was hard because there was so much pressure to live up to.  The difficulty occurred because I let my life be consumed by trying to be the best.  The struggle was there as I pushed and pushed myself to be the best and no matter how hard I tried, I never felt like I succeeded.  I also didn't realize how much I was drifting away from my faith because my focus was so much on performance.  Instead of taking time to pray at night, I would be going over my schedule for the next day.  Instead of prayer in the car on the way to work, I would listen to music to hype me up to get through the day.  Life didn't seem hard - it seemed fine, but looking back it was indeed hard.

When I lived in central PA, life was hard.  I was separated from the ones I loved the most and the group of people that I felt kept me grounded in my faith.  But that struggle lead me to truly begin to prioritize my faith.  It was hard.  Hard to hold myself accountable for my prayer life.  Hard to live a moral life.  Hard to be the person that I was created to be.  God blessed me with great friends and a phenomenal church, but life was still hard.

Now living here in Honduras, life is a new kind of difficult.  My past struggles have helped prepare me, but I have been having this overall feeling of darkness.  An indescribable distance from God.  It's heartbreaking for me knowing that I have come all the way here to love Him, serve Him, and get to truly know Him.  The darkness is hard.  The struggle is real.  The style of life here isn't hard for me, and for that I am blessed, but the lack of feeling connected to the One that created me is extremely difficult.  

Last night, I was truly blessed in prayer.  I was reading Romans 5:8

God proved his love for us

in that while we were still sinners 

Christ died for us.

How beautiful! God loves us, no matter what our sins, no matter what our struggles, no matter the depth of the darkness - he loves us!  I was caught up a bit on this verse, it just kept coming back to my mind even as I continued to read.  So I stopped reading and began reflecting on just this verse.  I decided after a while that I should google it... not sure why, it's not something I usually do.  But one of the first images that came up was a quote that said "I love you at your darkest."  Immediately my heart was filled.  

We all have darkness.  Our darkest moments are the moments of our life that we are ashamed of or that we want no one to see.  Well, God always sees us, even at our darkest. It is reassuring to know that His love knows no bounds.  

I hope that if you are struggling like I am that these words give you the hope that they gave me.  

"I love you at your darkest."  Jesus

Prayer in New Ways

Every week on Thursdays the school starts the day with Hora Santa, which means Holy Hour.  Typically, adoration here is very structured.  Guided prayers, reflections being read, bible verses, songs, more structured prayers, more guided reflections, more songs... you get the picture.   Every week although the songs, readings, and reflections change, the structure is the same.  There is little time for the students to pray in their own way.

Well, last week on Thursday I was responsible for planning the reflections for Holy Hour.  I decided to change the structure a little bit.  My thought was a little less talking, a lot more prayer.  I also wanted to encourage the students to pray in a new way, their own way.  After the opening song and standard prayers,  I had one of my students read Luke 11: 9-13.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be give to you;

See and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks receives;

The one who seeks finds;

and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of your fathers, if your son asks for a fish, 

will give him a snake instead?

Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

If you then, though you are evil, 

know how to give good gifts to your children,

How much more will your Father in heaven

give the Holy Spirt to those who ask him!

Another student then read a reflection about opening your heart to God, asking for what you need and trusting that our Loving Father in heaven will provide.  I then encourage the students to write a letter to God, thanking Him for what He has blessed them with and asking for what they need.  I encouraged them to either write a letter or draw a picture or sit quietly and pray. The students seemed really into it! 

After about 10 minutes of prayer in their own way, we had another reading and reflection that my students prepared.  Then during the song "Lord, I need you" by Matt Maher played by our wonderful Mr. Wilmer, the students presented their letters to Jesus.  They were so reverent and prayerful.  It was absolutely beautiful watching the students of the school physically and spiritually come to Jesus. 

 When adoration was over I was just overwhelmed with the joy and beauty of the Holy Hour.  My students wrote journal entries about Holy Hour that day and how they enjoyed being able to pray in a new way.  One girl wrote about how she loves to write and she never realized the opportunity to pray through writing.  I was just amazed at the little seeds planted in their hearts.

A beautiful sight

God is so good!
 I hope that my students continue to discover new ways to pray
because our life is a never ending prayer to a loving God!

Exactly What I Needed

Sometimes, I have hard days.  No real reason why, but they are just hard.  I struggle with the littlest things and they shouldn't add up to a hard day, but somehow they do.  Well, today was one of those days.  I was just dragging a bit. When we had tutoring after school, I just couldn't focus and decided to drink a cup of coffee.  Unfortunately, the coffee didn't help my cause and I still was just mentally beat... so much so that I kept thinking it was Thursday.  So tonight when I walked into the church right at 6pm, I was shocked to see the Missionaries of Charity and their beautiful kids.  I thought to myself "Wow, they brought their kids to adoration AND mass! How beautiful! How brave!"  As they waved me over to sit with them, I was super excited.  The seat next to one of the little girls that I love so dearly was open.  As soon as I sat down, she gave me a huge hug and all of the little stresses of the day melted away.

The little bell rang for mass to begin.  A reminder that it is Wednesday, not Thursday, which meant that there wasn't adoration today. But I didn't care about that fact that I was disoriented about the day of the week, or the little things that have been driving me crazy all day. I was at mass with a little girl who just couldn't get enough of being next to me.  It was a beautiful feeling to feel wanted.  All of mass she just wanted to snuggle in next to me.  I might not have processed a lot of the reading in spanish today or understood a bit of the homily, but God showered me with His love through her.  And as always, God knew exactly what I needed.

It's All About Perception

One thing that I have definitely learned since being in Honduras is that you are entirely responsible for how you feel.  When something difficult begins to occur, if you meet it with resistance it is going to be the most difficult thing that you have ever experienced.  It is going to wreck your emotions and make you feel weak and incompetent.  However if at the beginning you choose to look at it as an opportunity to grow, you begin to flourish.  It is going to be rewarding because you can mark your own growth.

It's all about how you perceive a situation.  I found this little gem on pinterest that perfectly depicts what I mean...

Some see a difficult student, 

        some see a child that needs love.

Some see a confrontation coming, 

        some see an opportunity to die to yourself.

Some see a grocery store that doesn't have what you want, 

        some see the chance to try new things.

Some see a struggle, 

        some see a new chance to grown.

I want to challenge you to choose to have a positive perspective in life.  Meet the struggles with the least resistance.  Take the opportunity to let God work in you.  Typically, the difficult moments are the ones that allow you see things in a completely different light.  They are the ones that push you to have a broader outlook on life and see things completely different than you ever have before.  Perceive the world in a beautiful way!

Lychees!

Since I arrived in Honduras, I have been on the prowl for one specific thing - lychees.

I first tasted the greatness of this amazing fruit in Jamaica.  I can still remember driving down the mountain and the brother from the Missionaries of the Poor pulled over and summoned the other brother up to talk to him.  It is a vivid image of the second brother removing his cassock and jumping off the side of the mountain into the trees.  I was both shocked and amazed as he scaled the tree with ease.  I noticed he was collecting these red, spiky things.  I was curious, what could this be that made a man jump off the side of a mountain? Well shortly after he collected a plethora of these little spiky balls, I found out.  He came back, handed me one and said that this was a lychee.  He thing showed us how to twist them open to reveal a white flesh membrane. He sucked it into his mouth and motioned for us to do the same.  He warned us that there was a pit in the middle but to eat off as much of the white part as we could. It was like something I had ever tasted before! Tart, but sweet and absolutely delicious!

Well you can imagine my shock in November, years after my only encounter with this amazing fruit, that they have lychees in Honduras!  It was when I was visiting Eric and the Missioners of Christ for a small mission over Thanksgiving.  Eric was showing us around Comayagua and there was a person selling them.  I literally looked at Eric and said "LYCHEES! THEY HAVE LYCHEES!" He looked at me, smiled, and asked the woman how much they were.  I bought a big bag and took them to the mission house to share with everyone.  They were just as I remembered, and I was super excited.

So, since arriving to Honduras 6 weeks ago, I have been looking. Sometimes I would see people eating them, but no one selling them.  Not in the grocery store or being sold by street vendors.  I was disappointed, but I have been on the look out. Well today is the day that I finally found them! We were at a farmers market in the barrio next to ours when a man looked at all of us "gringas" and pointed to his produce and said "Tengo lychees!"  I looked over and saw what I have been looking for!  I approached his wife and purchased a large bag for 20 Lempiras, which is approximately $1.  Best dollar ever spent!

After my great buy, I couldn't wait to get home and dive into this amazing treat that I have been blessed with!  As you can imagine, I am nom-ing down on these as I write this post.  Luckily, the bag is quite large and it doesn't even look like a made a dent in it so I'll have this wonderful treat for the next few days! Hopefully...

Independence Day in Honduras

On September 15 Honduras celebrates it's independence.  I was very blessed to be able to be here and witness a great celebration within Comayagua!

The week before, the teachers at school kept talking about how we needed to prepare a float for the parade.  So on Friday after work and Saturday morning, we all got together and built it for the parade.  It was a beautiful float with a large image of the church and the Blessed Virgin Mary.  I learned a very valuable lesson about the people of Honduras and it's something that I truly appreciate about this culture - the people here care about spending time with each other.  I know this may seem like something that is true in the U.S., but it is so much more here.  They do not put productivity first or what needs to be accomplished.  We were there to BE TOGETHER.  At first, my super goal-oriented self was frustrated because I just wanted to start working and the supplies were not yet onsite.  But once I realized the joy of spending time with the other teachers, I came to see what a blessing it was to just be.  There was no pressing deadline or agitation with each other over what we were accomplishing because we were completing the number one priority - being together. This is a lesson that I hope to carry with me always - Be present and love where you are.  It was awesome! I mean, eventually we did get a lot done and built this awesome float!

Julie and Jenny with the float!

So early on Sunday morning we all met at the parade route.  I had no ideas really on what to expect.  I was amazed at the number of people that were there to participate in the parade.  Then, I found out that this parade was only part 1 of a 2 day celebration! Sunday was all of the elementary schools and the private schools.  On Monday, Independence Day, was the parade for the high school and college students.  Each school was represented, as well as drum corps, majorettes, pageant winners, and other individuals.  There were so many unique costumes and the beats of the drummers were awesome! I loved being emerged into such a great celebration of culture!

 It was a great day experiencing the culture and being with my coworkers! Remember, be present and love where you are!

Humility and Joy

       I've noticed that every day this week one of my students, Armando, keeps making a point to stand next to me during morning and afternoon prayer. He always has this huge smile on his face.  Well, yesterday he decided to keep asking me to read the first part of the prayer aloud.  "Miss Cheryl, even just the first word!" When I inquired why another student, Michelle, yells "He loves how you say 'Señor!' Please Miss Cheryl, for Armando." I immediately became really self conscious and though to myself "Do I say it wrong? No, I know how to say Señor!" So I gave in and uttered the word señor in my best spanish.  Armando grinned from ear to ear.  I smiled and we all laughed at just how silly Armando was being. I just let it go, he's a native spanish speaker and I am not - I'm sure my accent is funny.

      Later in the day I was reflecting on this crazy interaction.  I have been taking spanish lessons at night and I am starting to really feel confident in my pronunciation of the words I use often.  I want to be fluent, even though I know I am long, LONG, way away.  But hopefully, one day, I can get there.

     Well, I went in to teach the last class of the day and Armando says "Miss Cheryl, can we have a free write today for our journal - I have a topic I want to write about."  I agreed and let them all spend the first 10 minutes of class journaling about whatever they wanted.  He sprinted up to my desk as soon as he finished and said "Miss, you have to read this!"  This is what he showed me: 

     I laughed so loud that it peaked the attention of all of the other students in the class.  Armando's face turned bright red and we laughed and laughed.  All of the others begged to read it.  He refused to let them read it and asked me not to read it out loud. So I agreed with one stipulation, that I could take a picture of it. With this little journal entry and an afternoon of good-humored fun, I gained a lot of humility.  I am not great at spanish, I am definitely no where close to being fluent, but I am trying.  My students know that I am working on improving my spanish just as they are working to improve their english.  It was a humbling moment that brought so much joy! 

      Immediately after the students went home I went to the teachers room and shared with my coworkers.  I told the story in my best spanglish.  It was great! A few of the bilingual teachers helped me translate a few words here or there, but I did it! Everyone got a kick out of it because they know that I'm trying.  It was at that moment, when all of my coworkers and I were laughing that a little bit of humility brought so much joy.  I thought of how different the situation would have been if I would have become offended.  I would have been frustrated, angry, and unsure of how to handle it.  I would have walked in the teachers room embarrassed and unwilling to speak.  But God gave me a little bit of humility, and it brought such great joy!

Day of the Child

          Today was the annual “Day of the Child” celebration all across Honduras.  I have been hearing about it since the first day of in-service, but I never really received details about what we were celebrating.  Well, today I learned – it truly is just a day to celebrate children.  We celebrate by doing things all children love; we played games, ate a lot of super delicious sweets, took our turns at a piñata, and laughed a lot.

            When I arrived at school we immediately went to the church and as a school we started the day in prayer.  It was awesome to see teachers being thankful for their students and students being thankful for each other.  From there, the secondary students boarded a bus to go to a public school in a less fortunate Aldea.  We brought snacks and piñatas with us.  Since I’m the homeroom teacher for 8^th grade and teach all of the upper grades, I got to go with them.  

After a 30-minute bus ride up the mountain filled with teenagers being teenagers (singing along to the radio, eating snacks, and chatting away) we finally arrived at this beautiful little piece of land with 6 small, garage sized, buildings on it.  Each building had two classrooms in it, fully equipped with chalkboards and desks.  It was such a beautiful school.  My heart longed to be there every day, serving these students who struggle to make ends meet.

            Quickly, I learned that God has placed me at the ICB for a reason and although my heart longs to one day possibly teach at a school like that, I am blessed to be where I am.  The language barrier was jarring to me.  All of these beautiful brown eyed children ran up to me and my students, expecting me to know what was going on.  I greeted them “Hola!” But that is where my Spanish and international game ideas ended.  I know a TON of games to play with children, but I didn’t know how to communicate ANY of it in Spanish.  Luckily, I am blessed to have amazing students who saw me struggling and stepped in to help.  Carlos immediately being leading a game of “Mar y Tierra,” and the children laughed and laughed.  I loved seeing him be a leader as my other students quickly stepped up to help him.  Aaron stepped in to help be my translator as I talked with the other teacher from the Aldea.  I am so grateful for students like Carlos and Aaron.  They are so willing to help others and are great examples of what it means to have a servant’s heart. 

Aaron and Gustavo leading the kiddos in a game!

Carlos leading "Mar y Tierra"! 

After playing a few different games, my class rounded up all of the little ones we were in charge and we shared a delicious cake, a ton of cookies, and some pop - a prayer first, of course.  The smiles on the faces of the children and the laughter between my students and the kids were such a joy to see.  After everyone had their fill of sugar, we went back outside for the much anticipated piñata!

            It was my first experience with a piñata here in Central America and we had 3 for our group! It was awesome watching as they seamlessly took turns and counted each persons number of hits.  Everyone got a chance and each time candy rained down on them they shrieked with joy and scurried about collecting their fair share.  After we were done with the piñatas and cleaned up, we went back to school.

When we arrived, the elementary students were playing.  The elementary students stayed at school all day and had their own celebration. There was bounces houses and a clown! The kids were all wound up because they ate so many cupcakes, cookies, and pizza all day long.  My students started playing soccer and included the little one that wanted to play.  Everyone was just relaxed and having fun until the busses arrived.   

Overall, it was a wonderful day with many, many blessings! My students are awesome and I would have been so overwhelmed and unable to function without them.  It was amazing to see God working through them to share joy and love with those that are less fortunate then them. God is good!

Gustavo, Carlos, Aaron, and Hector - 4 of my superstars for the day!

My Soul Rejoices

Living in Honduras so far has had many, many challenges.  The struggles are present and very real to me.  I am blessed to have these struggles because they are forcing me to grow closer and closer to our loving Father and trust in His amazing Son.  However, sometimes those struggles bring out a not-so-good version of myself.  I recognize some of these as my personality traits when I get frustrated and I have been actively trying to work on them.  In these moments of weakness, I have definitely fallen away from acting with kindness in all things.

As Catholics, we are blessed with the wonderful gift of confession.  Growing up confession was never something I liked or even really understood.  But as I have grown older, I truly begun to feel the loving embrace of God through the sacrament.  Today, I was blessed to have the opportunity to go to confession with one of the Friars here with the CFRs.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to ask for repentance and receive such wonderful graces from God.  Immediately after confession, I had the ability to pray in front of the tabernacle and my soul felt overjoyed with love from my Father.

I would like to encourage all of you, if you haven't gone to confession in a while to seek out this wonderful gift that we have been given.  Most parishes offer it each weekend.  It is such a beautiful way to feel the redeeming love of our amazing God!

My Mountain Tops

One place that I discovered that I could always find my center was when I was hiking and I hit the top of the mountain.  When I first moved to Huntingdon, that was the only place that I always felt at home - in the mountains.  I could take my prayer journal and rosary and hike until I couldn't hear the noise of the world.  Until only silence and the beauty of God's creation surrounded me.  It was a beautiful experience for me each time I went out.  I would always use that time to be quiet with God and that's where I truly discerned coming to Honduras.

One of the first hike's in Huntingdon

My favorite view from the top of 1,000 steps

Well, since moving to Comayagua the mountains have been calling to me.  I desire so badly to go with my prayer journal and rosary and hike for hours and hours until only the beauty of God's creation and silence surround me.  But that isn't safe for me to do.  There is too much uncertainty in the country really to hike, especially alone.

One night when I the desire to go pray and hike was really strong, I went up to the roof of my apartment.  And that's when I realized - God has given me my own little mountain top right here.  Although the silence is not here - not even a little bit - God has given me a place where I can look out at his beauty and creation.  It has become a little safe haven of prayer for me.  I can look out at the city where He has called me to serve his people.  I can see how His beauty radiates in the amazing sunsets and gorgeous mountains that line the skies.

The first sunset I captured here.

The sunset when I realized I have found
my little mountain top on my roof.

I am encourage by the fact that God always provides me with a place where I can connect with Him through nature.  I love being in front of Jesus in the Eucharist, and I know I will always see Him there - but to see God expressing His awesomeness through His creation always provides me with that extra little bit of wander and awe about how awesome He is. Even though I am not out exploring the beautiful mountains that I see, I can truly appreciate the beauty that He has created from my little mountain top.

Meet my Students!

The first few days of school have been truly blessed.  Although there have been some struggles with a language barrier and adjusting to a new and hectic schedule that doesn't make sense to me, I have been able to see God each day through my students. So....

On Monday we started off the school year with Mass said by the Bishop of Comayagua.  A practice that isn't common here is to kneel after receiving the Eucharist.  I almost cried as I watched 6 of my eighth grade boys kneel to pray after receiving Jesus.  At that moment, my heart began to melt knowing that I was in a school where the values of our faith are instilled in the students. What a beautiful revelation to be given on the first day in the first hour of school!

Yesterday as I was hurriedly trying to start class because I was trying to communicate with another teacher and was running late. One of my students gently reminded me that we forgot to pray.  She was so polite! "Ms. Cheryl, don't you think we should begin the day with a prayer?" Again the stress of the day melted away as the faith of these students guides everything that they do.  What a blessing!

Today I was working with all of my students on a project called "A letter to Ms. Cheryl."  Its a way for me to get to know them while I see their writing styles and capabilities.  I am doing it with all of my students - grades 7, 8, and 10.  In the letter they must introduce themselves, tell me about their family, where they were from, things they like, things they dislike, and their goals.  As I was proofreading for them today, it was amazing to see the number of students who said that one of their goals was to grow closer to Jesus.  The one 10th grader even said "I know that I need Jesus always, so one of my goals is to grow in my faith."  JUST AWESOME!  

Another thing is that they all had big goals.  One of my seventh grade boys was really insightful. He wrote "Everyone has goals, but sometimes people's goals seem to be dreams. But my goals, I know they will happen." How motivating coming from the mouth of such a young person! He then went on to state how he was going to make it happen.  The very last sentence read "... because I trust that God will guide my life."  What a beautiful example of trust in our Lord!

I am so excited to see what this year has in store as I am reminded daily of my faith by these wonderful students!

Preparing for School, Preparing my Heart

I have been working really hard this week to prepare for my new students that will start on Monday. It's really been a struggle - being in a new country, learning a new language, trying to understand a new culture... all while preparing for a new school year!  I finished my monthly lesson plans Thursday night and submitted them.  It was a humbling experience trying to plan for the two weeks of August without having any idea what my students are going to be like.  I always thought it was difficult writing a week's worth of plans in the United States when I didn't know the kids - but here its through the beginning of September.  It's humbling to sit in a meeting and only understand a few words of a thirty minute discussion on what the plans should be like.  And it's even more humbling to rely on the kindness of others to be successful at my job, because without my awesome coworkers I would never know what was going on.  I am confident in my ability to teach, but I cannot understand what the expectations are without them because the expectations are in spanish.

One part of teaching that I love is getting new supplies at the beginning of each school year.  Although the situation is very different this year, God blessed me by allowing me to have the experience of shopping for supplies.  It was humbling to have a $0 budget for my classroom.  I remember thinking in the past "I can't believe we only have $____ to spend on the classroom.  Don't these administrators/school board want my classroom to succeed?"  Well this year, thanks to my awesome donors I was able to pick up some things necessary for the success of my classroom.

I am currently operating under the mindset that we don't need a lot of supplies to succeed.  The students are supposed to be bringing in some supplies like markers, colored pencils, paper, etc... for the room.  I know that God will give us exactly what we need.

The past week I have also been working on preparing more than just my lessons.  I am trying to prepare my heart for whatever God has in store for me this year.  The divine mercy chaplet has really been a bright spot in each day for me since I've arrived.  When I am humbled by an experience, lately there has been frustration in those moments.  When I turn to God and give those worries to Him through prayer, I'm learning to trust not only in others, but in my Father.

I am blessed to always have a loving Father to turn to.  God is always there to help me take a step back and humble myself in His presence.  He has called me here.  He is the reason for my journey.  He will provide me everything I need. 

A Change in Perspective

In the United States, if the power goes out it is a major inconvenience.  If people found out the government is behind the power outage, they would be outraged! There would be a panic all over the country that the government is overstepping its boundaries and punishing the people.  People would be up in arms trying to figure out why the government would be oppressing its people.

Well in Honduras, the power has been going out here a lot lately.  And yes, the government is shutting it off.  I had my first experience with it on Monday night at the grocery store.  The power went out and a generator was providing the store energy for the lights and the coolers, but not the registers.  The cashier was figuring out my total on a calculator and then another coworker had to check it.  It was interesting to see their teamwork in what has become a routine situation. When I inquired why, they just said the government had shut it off.  I assumed this was just a one time thing to fix something and that my language barrier was preventing me from fully understanding. 

I didn’t realize this was a frequent situation until today at work.  We were given time to work on our monthly lesson plans on the computers.  We had all been working for about 25 minutes when all of the sudden the power was shut off.  All of the screens went black and all of the work that was done was lost! It did not return for the rest of the workday, which was about 5 hours.  The principal and the other Hondurans did not seem phased.  They immediately began suggesting other things to keep working on until the government decided to give us power back.  So we worked on outlining our plans on paper, had a formation session with a local priest, and we figured out how many desks we needed in each room.  When I inquired about why the government would shut off the power like that, they said they have been doing it with the electricity and water a lot lately and to expect daily shut offs of each.  However, they did not have a clear answer about why or how long this would be happening.  Someone told me that they heard that it might have to do with the fact that the government has cut ties with a few countries that provide Honduras with natural gas, therefore they have a limited supply and are trying to preserve it.  I am going to assume that statement is true.

With a slight change in perspective, we still had such a productive day.  I feel blessed to be here and as new challenges arrive I am going to try to do what Fr. Geoff Rose taught me, and hundreds of campers, this summer: Assume the best.   With that small shift in attitude everything seems a little brighter and a lot less stressful.  God is so good to us and we should assume the good in others. 

The struggles and the strength

My first 48 hours days in Honduras have felt like a weeks.  I had the same feeling at the beginning of CHWC this summer.  It’s a crazy beautiful contradiction between things feeling very new and overwhelming, and feeling settled like I have done things so many times already. I have already started to settle into a routine and it feels amazing.  God has blessed me with quite a few struggles already, but he has also given me the strength and an awesome support system to make it through them.  I am slowly starting to learn to trust in Him always and give him every moment of joy and every moment of struggle. 

One major point of stress for me since I arrived has been my lost luggage.  My bag of clothing did NOT make it to Honduras on Sunday when I did.  The only clothing I had was the clothing on my back and two sweatshirts.  Being that the climate here is quite warm, the sweatshirts did not provide much use.  Luckily Jenny, Ashley, and Julie were there for me when things got tough, as well as the awesome parents at the school Bennett and Carlos.  Dealing with making arrangements in a language you are not fluent in is stressful.  Trying to adjust to a new way of life without everything your prepared to make your adjustment easier is even harder.  But as soon as I offered it all up to Him, telling Him that I understood if He felt I needed this detachment from my personal comforts & that He could have them, the glimmer of hope began to shine. 

I needed to trust Him.  And the reason everything was so stressful is because I was lacking trust in His plan.  When I felt that I needed to solve the problem, handle the situation, be strong… I broke down.  When I wanted to be independent, fear took over… I broke down.  When I struggled to be vulnerable, to ask others for help… I broke down.  Those breaks opened my mind and my heart and truly allowed me to begin my life here.  I have found God works through our struggles to strengthen our spirits.  For when we are struggling, we must surrender our will to His. 

Because of this hectic situation, I have learned how to be more resourceful, had the opportunity to experience Comayagua & Tegucigalpa, and practice my Spanish.  I was blessed today to finally receive my luggage and spend a day getting to know Bennett and Carlos.  God is so good and constantly working in my struggles to make me stronger.  Through this one, long, rough experience, he has given me hundreds of little blessings! I will joyfully suffer as long as the Lord is at my side.

Although I haven’t even met my students yet, I know this year is going to be full of many ups and downs.  I just pray that I can always see His hand at work and praise Him in each moment of each day.