His Will > My Desires

When things don't go as you wanted, as you hoped, as you wished the devil sees that as an opportunity to taunt you. He wants to make you believe that your life is worse than you ever could have imagined because you didn't get what you desired, that things didn't go as planned, that your wish didn't come true.

As I battle with things not turning out as I hoped, it's easy to get lost in the lies that the devil loves to tell. It's easy to get caught up in doubting decisions I've made even though the Lord granted me peace in these decision initially. Those doubts stir up insecurities and upset me. I get frustrated with myself thinking "why did you do that to yourself?,” “You are the reason that you are suffering now,” or “There is no way that this is actually  going to work out.”  I find myself easily irritable with minimal patience as the lies of the devil creep into my everyday life.

And then I remember…


I was asked by a loving God to put his desires for me above my desires for myself. That although this may seem like something that should be hurting me, therefore it does, it is actually a moment to offer it to Him. It's a moment that I don't need to understand every detail, but to trust in His goodness. A moment to know that His timing is perfect. A moment to know His plan is infinitely greater than anything I could have imagined.

Even though I know these things are true and that God is forever good to me, there is still suffering.  A loss is felt.  Pain still exists.  


Now, it’s up to me to have a change of perspective.  I need to view this as an opportunity for sanctification.  A moment to unite my small, minuscule, insignificant suffering to the suffering of Jesus on the cross.  He sacrificed all for me and He is asking me to suffer a teeny tiny bit. To take just a microscopic sliver of His cross.  To offer back a small offering to the One who gave all for me.  So although right now, I am a bit let down and a bit disappointed in how things worked out, I can rejoice in the fact that this is something to unite me with the One who has loved me beyond my understanding.  I am blessed to have to opportunity to grow closer to Him through my superficial suffering and to learn in a deeper way that His plan is better than mine. 

An Open Letter to All of Those Who I Have Been Blessed to Encounter

As my time in Honduras is slowly dwindling down, I can help but think of all of the wonderful people that I've met along the way.  Of course there are my wonderful students who I can't help but love even through their end of the school year craziness.  And there are my phenomenal coworkers who I wouldn't have survived the year without their kindness and helpfulness.  I am blessed to have found true friendships here that I hope will last a lifetime, and for those people I am forever thankful. And lastly, there are all of the people I have been blessed to encounter along the way.  This letter... is for you.

To all of those I have been blessed to encounter,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank YOU - the people that only spent a short season in my life.  Even if I have only met you once, we smiled at each other every night at church, or we spent time getting to know each other but we drifted apart... Thank you.  I know that God  has placed each one of you along my path for a reason.  When I think about each of you individually, I can see the imprint you have made on me. I have learned more about gentleness, compassion, honesty, trustworthiness, kindness, and faithfulness from all of you then I ever could have expressed in words in the brief glimpse of time we had together.  You have helped to form who I am and inspire who I want to be.  You are beautiful, each and every one of you, and I am truly blessed to have had our paths cross.  God let me meet you for a reason, and I just pray for the wisdom to always remember what I have learned from you.

Again, thank you for being a part of this journey.  Thank you for everything.  You will always be in my heart because you have helped me become who I am today.  May God bless you now and always!

Sincerely,

Cheryl

Silence Speaks Volumes

Silence in a relationship: Think about when your friends, family, significant other, or other person that you are close to are silent when you have been communicating often. Think about how you feel when they don't respond.

It speaks volumes.  It screams "I'm too busy for you"... "I don't care about you"... "You aren't worth my time"... "You aren't enough for me"..."There are so many important things in my life, and you aren't one of them."

When that happens it hurts.  It can truly cut into your core and make you feel less than worthy of attention, compassion, and love. It can wear away at the connection you had with that person.  It can eliminate the trust, and therefore breaking the bond between you.

As I was reflecting on the deafening silence today, I immediately thought that God must have felt this way with me many times before.  How many times have I placed other things ahead of my relationship with Him? How many times have I actively known that I wasn't praying daily, or being open to communication in prayer? How many times have I let myself get caught up in the things of this world and neglect my relationship with Him who is the source of all joy?

He must have hurt.  Actually, I know He hurt.  Just looking at the Crucified Christ. I know that He suffered, and continues to suffer, when I mistreat Him.  On that Good Friday, the world was silent towards Him.  The pain must have been excruciating to feel that everyone who He loved and cared about was being silent.  The deafening silence like a sword piercing His heart, like a crown of thorns being smashed onto his head, like nails being drive through His hands and feet. Every person, their own attack on His being through their silence.

But His love was greater than the silence.  His whispering voice of love was bigger than the deafening silence.  He conquered the grave, breaking the silence of death to love us, although we are unworthy after the pain that we cause Him.  He is greater than the silence.  And therefore, even when we are feeling the pain of silence from someone we care about, He is there with outstretched arms, the Crucified Christ, showing us that His love is the greatest love there is.  That He has forgiven us for the times we have hurt Him.  That His love is all we need.  And because of Him, I am worthy, I am cared for, and most importantly, I am loved by the One who created me.

Anchor

A reoccurring prayer for me lately is trust.  Mainly because... Life. Is. Hard.

Whether you are struggling with how to handle a problem at work, how to find work, how to figure out financial problems, how to navigate a relationship, how to deal with a breakup, how to love who you are, how to....[fill in the situation here].  There are a million things that can cause us to struggle in daily lives and they can truly impact our spiritual life.

Well, I have been riding on a couple of those little struggle boats lately.  At times I feel like I am in a giant sea of emotions as the highs are immediately met with drastic lows as joy meets chaos.  It's really difficult to feel like the usually positive me sometimes because I am so wrapped up in the little details of the current situations.  I know that there are moments of doubt (as mentioned in my previous post) and that the devil is just trying to attack me as I wait out this stormy season of my life.

But the lies that the devil keeps pushing... after a while I start to get convinced that they are true. We've all been there.  Believing the lies that things will never work out, that this good thing that is happening will get ripped out from under us, that we aren't worthy of love or success or happiness, that we aren't enough.  When your in the sea of emotion, getting thrown from one high to the next low as situations get more confusing or unclear, its easy to start to believe that those things are true.

As I was praying, I was reflecting on the imagery of the ocean, the ebb and flow of the waves, the high and low tides, and their strength during a storm.  I recognize that right now, I am in the middle of the storm.  I am being tossed around as I try to anchor myself.  The anchor of our faith is trust.  My trust is there.  I know that I have trusted in God in the past, that my anchor was deep enough to touch the bottom of the ocean of life and keep me connected to Him and His love in the past.  But I'm not sure the waves have ever felt this big.  There are just so many different waves of emotions coming my way.  And then it hit me, I haven't let my anchor go deep enough.  He is calling me to trust Him more.  To let the line for my anchor of trust out more than it ever has before so that it reaches the depths of the oceans - that it reaches God again.

So my prayer is that I learn to trust more deeply in the Lord.  I know that he has always sustained me.  I just need to trust that he will continue to do so.

I am thankful that I know this song - Anchor by Josh Garrels.  It has been one of my favorites for a few years now and I believe that it truly is an anthem that I need to be listening to.  "Anchor of my soul, you sustain. When I'm in the storm, you remain.  You remain, good to me."  God truly has always been good to me.  He has never failed me.  He will not fail me now.  For He is always good to me.  My anchor.

Doubt & Trust

In life, there are many moving parts. Each one needs to function in order for the other parts to work. Every time one small part changes, there are other pieces that need moved, changed, or added for everything to function in harmony again. 

As this school year is reaching an end, a lot of pieces in my life are moving. I can feel it, but I don't necessarily see how to make everything work together in harmony again. When the big picture is fuzzy, it's easy to begin to doubt. I've been doubting every decision I make about every aspect of my life. But a wise person, who I am blessed to call my amazing sister, once told me that it is in moments of change that the devil attacks. And surely, I have learned that she is right. As questions about what next year will be like both personally and professionally entered my life, I could see the devil trying to twist my emotions, to make me lose hope. He was attacking everything I felt confident in so that I could feel confused and disoriented. He tried to convince me that I am not enough to make anything work, that I am a useless piece in the machine of life.

Then during prayer, God blessed me to stumble across Psalm 84. It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right moment. (God's pretty awesome like that!)

After a lot of reflection and self evaluation I have returned back to the truth - that I am enough because I am a child of God. I am His daughter and he created me to perfectly complement the rest of the machine of life. He knows what He is asking of me, He is constantly affirming me that I am enough because I am His, and He is simply asking me to trust in His goodness. 

Although life is still confusing, I'm finding my peace in Him who loves me. I've realized that I don't need to know everything right now, I just need to trust in His plan for me, for everything is possible with God!