Finding Calm in the Chaos

Moving for me is always organized chaos. Labeled bins and itemized lists can only help calm the tornado of mayhem that always comes with moving to a new place. 

This time I was blessed to have be able to have my parents help me move out to Colorado. It was a fantastic blessing to have them with me, helping me unpack, organize my apartment, and feel settled in. While they were here, we really had the opportunity to see a lot of the major attractions in the area. 

But even with their help, the storms of moving to a new place and a new job sometimes cause me to feel like I'm spiraling out of control. With daily trainings, a new curriculum to learn, Colorada state standards to adapt to, and every growing to-do list, it's easy to feel off balance. Like my life is spinning and there is no calmness, no quietness, no peace. 

But I have been blessed to have learned while in Honduras that prayer and spending time in the real presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament can truly ground you during the storms of life. So I have been prioritizing Jesus, more and more each day. And each day I find time to be with Him, the happier, more joyful and peaceful I become. My new parish here has a Pepetual Adoration Chapel and I have been able to plug in and sign up for a Holy Hour each week. Even though it is significantly more difficult to find time for my Beloved, it is vital to continue to grow closer to Him. And by being with Him in adoration, I feel our connection rekindling. When I am in His presence, He calms the storms of my heart, eases the worries of my mind, and helps me to remember that I am made from love and for love. It's the most beautiful gift I can ever receive. And He is there, perpetually, waiting for me to arrive in His presence to give me Himself.

So I challenge you, find time with Him. Whether 5 seconds, 5 minutes, or 5 hours. Find time to be with your Beloved. For you are His beloved child, and He is earnestly waiting for you to arrive in His presence to share His love with you!

New Adventure!

Since leaving Honduras, I have had the wonderful opportunity to be with some of my closest family and friends.  I have shared delicious meals with amazing people, caught up over coffee and ice cream with caring friends, created new games before watching a great American pastime, explored a waterfall with a new bride-to-be, went to the drive in with my amazing family, danced bachata with one of the most beautiful and courageous women I know, listened to live music with people I love, experienced some of the joys of childhood again by hanging with some of the most adorable children that God has ever created, had heart to hearts with best friends, enjoyed the moment where one of my dearest friends picked out her wedding dress, went halve-sies with my bestie who I'm blessed to call my sister, and shared stories and life advice with my incredible parents around a campfire... And this is just a few of the many moments that have made up the past five weeks! 

To all of the people I was blessed to see while home, thank you! I'm blessed to have you in my life and those memories will sustain me when I am missing all of you!

Tomorrow starts a new adventure for me. I am Colorado bound in the morning. A new chapter that has been in the making for years. I fell in love with Colorado in 2010. I've always wanted to go back, and possibly live there. It is amazing to look back right now and see how God has worked in my life to make this happen. It is His hand at work. It is Him placing each little thing in my life over the past 5 years that has led me there. It is the gift the He gave me of my time Honduras that showed me that I am capable of moving somewhere where I don't really know anyone and building strong friendships and connections. It is His timing. And tomorrow it all begins.  I am so thankful for this opportunity to continue to trust in His plan, His timing, and His never ending love for me. 

Next time I write, the new adventure will be in full swing! Now - Colorado or bust!

He is waiting

Since I was in high school I have known that I needed to have a personal relationship with Christ.  I have been working on my relationship with Jesus since then, but it wasn't until recently that I realized that you need to get to know someone in order to have a strong relationship with them. When you are trying to get to know another human being you talk to them, build a relationship on trust and forgiveness, and spend quality time with them.  I have learned, especially over the past year here in Honduras, that your relationship with Jesus Christ is no different.

Ever since I can remember I have talked at God.  Yes, I mean it when I say I talked at Him.  I learned all of the important prayers growing up and would say them throughout the day, especially before bed.  I learned that I needed to thank God for everything that He has given me, so I did that.  And I learned that I could ask Him for what I needed, so I did that... a lot.  But it wasn't until I was in college really that I learned that I need to communicate with God.  That I needed not only to be the talker, but also the listener.  That He was patient with me, beyond my comprehension, listening for all that time.  He started slowly revealing Himself to me in ways I never knew the more time that I spent in conversation with Him.  I still have a lot to learn about communicating with God, but I have found that prayer, especially Prayer Through Art allows me to be a more effective listener.

Now all of that talking with God gives me a foundation to begin to truly trust in God.  When He does guide me one way or the other, no matter what my opinion on the matter is, it is because I have gotten to know Him better that I trust His guidance.  Because I am a broken human being, one with many flaws, there is plenty of room for God to work.  Plenty of weaknesses that I am becoming aware of.  Plenty of places where if I step out on my own, without Him at my side, I will fail.  I have learned that I need to spend quality time with Jesus so that He can guide me, protect me, and be my constant support.  And I have come to realize that I am blessed to be able to do so. He is so incredibly present Eucharist.  In every tabernacle of the world, He is waiting.

Waiting for me.

Waiting for you.

He is waiting for you to simply be with Him.  To tell Him your joys, your sorrows, your worries, your dreams.  He is there, patiently waiting for you to let Him speak to you.  You might not realize it at first, but He is present. He is loving you. All of you.  Even your brokenness. The more time you are with Him, the more you get to know Him, the more you will begin to trust in Him.

He is waiting for you today. He is waiting for me.  I challenge you to spend a few minutes today with Him.  And a few minutes tomorrow.  And a few minutes everyday for the rest of your life.  Because He loves you, and He desires nothing more than for you to seek Him and be in His love.

The secret to true joy

Have you ever experienced someone who is truly joyful? And at that, joyful in all situations? Who are they? Why are they able to be so happy?

I found myself asking these questions as I contemplated the first of the Beatitudes. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3)  

The poor in spirit, to me, are the people that realize that they are nothing without God. They see themselves as an instrument of God, not as someone that needs to make things happen for themselves. 

As an American, I was always taught that I could do anything. That if I wanted something, I needed to make it happen. That I was the only one that could make me happy. I was taught by society and culture that the more that I had, whether financial stability, material belongings, or professional success, the happier I would be. 

Then I went on my first international mission trip to Kingston, Jamaica, and the people there didn't have financial stability. They didn't have material possessions. And they didn't have professional success either. But they were the happiest people I had ever met up to that point. What was the one thing that gave them their happiness? The knowledge that they would be taken care of by our Loving God. 

After that trip, I started to see the lack of joy in the country I lived in. I have a few beautiful people in my life at home that I am blessed to call friends, and each of them shares the indescribable joy that the people of Jamaica had. Sometimes that joy is fleeting, but when we return to our Loving Father the joy returns.

Now as I reflect on my time in Honduras, I think of all of the beautiful people I have met that radiate joy. I have been blessed to call many of them my friends. And even though Honduras is a developing country, there are people of all different financial situations here. From the poor to the wealthy here in Honduras, they have a gratitude to God for providing for them. In moments where I tried to make a change, work harder, or "fix" the problem, they trusted in the goodness of The Lord. They knew our Heavenly Father would take care of them. 

I am blessed to have these people as such beautiful examples of faith. Whether they are physically poor or not, they share one common trait. They believe in God more than they believe in themselves. They know that God will take care of them and provide for them everything that they need. They are blessed by being poor in spirit. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is theirs. And God in His infinite love gives them the gift of joy to experience a little bit of heaven here on earth.

My Prayer for Peaceful Protesting

Right now, I feel so blessed to be a citizen in a country where the people have a say in politics, that there is a good sense of checks and balances so that corruption doesn't destroy the country, and that the people feel safe.

The current state in Honduras is not like that. As developing country I can see the people's desire for change.  They want their voice to be heard.  They want the government not to be corrupt.  They want to feel safe and protected in their own country.  As I write this there is a peaceful protest happening outside my window.  They are marching, like they have the past few Sunday nights and as they will continue to do so until they see a change.

My prayer for Honduras is this: That the people may see the change that is necessary for Honduras to become a better, more stable country.  That they will remain peaceful in their pursuit of justice.  That they will see that even in countries like the USA, people protest, disagree, and feel abandoned by the government.  And most of all, I pray that they see the God is with them, protecting them, and loving them even more than they can see in the midst of their struggles.

My Stolen Heart

My heart has been stolen.  Seriously, little bits of it have been taken from me.  So many so that it feels like part of my heart has gone missing. Stolen. Stolen by people I have fallen in love with here in Honduras - my students.

At the beginning of the year I was nervous, but excited, to meet them.  Slowly their personalities began to open up to me.  Each day they let me in a little bit more.  And I let them in a bit more.  They complained about the journals, but they let me in by writing about real things.  I learned so much about them - About what they like, dislike, feel, dream, and believe. And slowly, but surely I shared things about myself with them.  The more we shared, the more I let them into my heart.  The more we shared, the more of my heart they filled. Each day, joy has been brought into my life by these people.  Each day, more opportunities for me to grow because of how they challenged me. Each day, more of my heart went to each one of them.  And now, as the school year is ending I have realized that they have taken little pieces of my heart.  Stolen. Forever.

As I prepare to say goodbye to each of them at the end of this week, I hope they know how much I love each of them.  I hope they know how much I deeply care for each of them, for their success, and for their spiritual well being.  I hope they know that I pray for each of them daily, and I will continue to pray for each of them.  I hope they know that no matter how far away I will be that a little bit of them will always be with me in my heart because the little bits of themselves that they gave me replaced the pieces of my heart that they have stolen.  Because of them - because of their love - I have become a better person.  I have learned more from them than I could have possibly taught them.  And the memories of these moments of learning, kindness, compassion, and love can fill the void of my stolen heart.

Seeing the Big Picture

Sometimes, its truly difficult to see the big picture when you are too close to it.  You just see what is right in front of your face.  Whether it is something that is good for you in the present moment or something that is heartbreaking for you... whatever it is that is right there, you see.

Rarely do we take the time to step back and see the entire situation for what it truly is... a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of life.  Sometimes, well all the time, it's important to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture.

When something good happens to you, take a step back.  Thank God for giving you the opportunity to enjoy the moment.  And then try to see it in a bigger way... Is this something that God is calling you to right now or is this just fulfilling some frivolous external need?  Is this going to be healthy and sustainable for you? Is this what you are being blessed with while still seeking Heaven in the long term?  If it is leading you to God, then YES! Victory! Now, if it is fulfilling a temporary, frivolous, or an external need maybe its time to reevaluate the situation and refocus your life back to God's will.

If something terrible or heartbreaking happens, take a step back.  Thank God for the opportunity to learn and grow from the situation.  And then try to see it in a bigger way... Is this a struggle that God is leading you to so that you can learn to trust in Him?  Is this something that can help you to realize you have drifted away from the most important things in life?  Is this something to guide you back to Him? If you see it as God's will for you to learn to trust in Him deeper, YES! Unite your suffering to His and learn to love Him in a new way! Now, if it is something self-inflicted, some choice that brought you away from God, take this time to repent and realign your will to His will for you.

Either way, His will is truly what should bring you joy. Whether His will currently makes you happy or suffer, His will for your life is by far the most important thing we could be seeking.  By looking at things in the bigger picture, we are able to live a more joyful life knowing that in every moment we are accompanied by a loving God who is guiding us.

So today, no matter what happened... take a step back.  Look at the day with eyes desiring to do the Will of God.  Doing the will of the one that sent me will be what brings me joy all of my days!

His Will > My Desires

When things don't go as you wanted, as you hoped, as you wished the devil sees that as an opportunity to taunt you. He wants to make you believe that your life is worse than you ever could have imagined because you didn't get what you desired, that things didn't go as planned, that your wish didn't come true.

As I battle with things not turning out as I hoped, it's easy to get lost in the lies that the devil loves to tell. It's easy to get caught up in doubting decisions I've made even though the Lord granted me peace in these decision initially. Those doubts stir up insecurities and upset me. I get frustrated with myself thinking "why did you do that to yourself?,” “You are the reason that you are suffering now,” or “There is no way that this is actually  going to work out.”  I find myself easily irritable with minimal patience as the lies of the devil creep into my everyday life.

And then I remember…


I was asked by a loving God to put his desires for me above my desires for myself. That although this may seem like something that should be hurting me, therefore it does, it is actually a moment to offer it to Him. It's a moment that I don't need to understand every detail, but to trust in His goodness. A moment to know that His timing is perfect. A moment to know His plan is infinitely greater than anything I could have imagined.

Even though I know these things are true and that God is forever good to me, there is still suffering.  A loss is felt.  Pain still exists.  


Now, it’s up to me to have a change of perspective.  I need to view this as an opportunity for sanctification.  A moment to unite my small, minuscule, insignificant suffering to the suffering of Jesus on the cross.  He sacrificed all for me and He is asking me to suffer a teeny tiny bit. To take just a microscopic sliver of His cross.  To offer back a small offering to the One who gave all for me.  So although right now, I am a bit let down and a bit disappointed in how things worked out, I can rejoice in the fact that this is something to unite me with the One who has loved me beyond my understanding.  I am blessed to have to opportunity to grow closer to Him through my superficial suffering and to learn in a deeper way that His plan is better than mine. 

An Open Letter to All of Those Who I Have Been Blessed to Encounter

As my time in Honduras is slowly dwindling down, I can help but think of all of the wonderful people that I've met along the way.  Of course there are my wonderful students who I can't help but love even through their end of the school year craziness.  And there are my phenomenal coworkers who I wouldn't have survived the year without their kindness and helpfulness.  I am blessed to have found true friendships here that I hope will last a lifetime, and for those people I am forever thankful. And lastly, there are all of the people I have been blessed to encounter along the way.  This letter... is for you.

To all of those I have been blessed to encounter,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank YOU - the people that only spent a short season in my life.  Even if I have only met you once, we smiled at each other every night at church, or we spent time getting to know each other but we drifted apart... Thank you.  I know that God  has placed each one of you along my path for a reason.  When I think about each of you individually, I can see the imprint you have made on me. I have learned more about gentleness, compassion, honesty, trustworthiness, kindness, and faithfulness from all of you then I ever could have expressed in words in the brief glimpse of time we had together.  You have helped to form who I am and inspire who I want to be.  You are beautiful, each and every one of you, and I am truly blessed to have had our paths cross.  God let me meet you for a reason, and I just pray for the wisdom to always remember what I have learned from you.

Again, thank you for being a part of this journey.  Thank you for everything.  You will always be in my heart because you have helped me become who I am today.  May God bless you now and always!

Sincerely,

Cheryl

Silence Speaks Volumes

Silence in a relationship: Think about when your friends, family, significant other, or other person that you are close to are silent when you have been communicating often. Think about how you feel when they don't respond.

It speaks volumes.  It screams "I'm too busy for you"... "I don't care about you"... "You aren't worth my time"... "You aren't enough for me"..."There are so many important things in my life, and you aren't one of them."

When that happens it hurts.  It can truly cut into your core and make you feel less than worthy of attention, compassion, and love. It can wear away at the connection you had with that person.  It can eliminate the trust, and therefore breaking the bond between you.

As I was reflecting on the deafening silence today, I immediately thought that God must have felt this way with me many times before.  How many times have I placed other things ahead of my relationship with Him? How many times have I actively known that I wasn't praying daily, or being open to communication in prayer? How many times have I let myself get caught up in the things of this world and neglect my relationship with Him who is the source of all joy?

He must have hurt.  Actually, I know He hurt.  Just looking at the Crucified Christ. I know that He suffered, and continues to suffer, when I mistreat Him.  On that Good Friday, the world was silent towards Him.  The pain must have been excruciating to feel that everyone who He loved and cared about was being silent.  The deafening silence like a sword piercing His heart, like a crown of thorns being smashed onto his head, like nails being drive through His hands and feet. Every person, their own attack on His being through their silence.

But His love was greater than the silence.  His whispering voice of love was bigger than the deafening silence.  He conquered the grave, breaking the silence of death to love us, although we are unworthy after the pain that we cause Him.  He is greater than the silence.  And therefore, even when we are feeling the pain of silence from someone we care about, He is there with outstretched arms, the Crucified Christ, showing us that His love is the greatest love there is.  That He has forgiven us for the times we have hurt Him.  That His love is all we need.  And because of Him, I am worthy, I am cared for, and most importantly, I am loved by the One who created me.

Anchor

A reoccurring prayer for me lately is trust.  Mainly because... Life. Is. Hard.

Whether you are struggling with how to handle a problem at work, how to find work, how to figure out financial problems, how to navigate a relationship, how to deal with a breakup, how to love who you are, how to....[fill in the situation here].  There are a million things that can cause us to struggle in daily lives and they can truly impact our spiritual life.

Well, I have been riding on a couple of those little struggle boats lately.  At times I feel like I am in a giant sea of emotions as the highs are immediately met with drastic lows as joy meets chaos.  It's really difficult to feel like the usually positive me sometimes because I am so wrapped up in the little details of the current situations.  I know that there are moments of doubt (as mentioned in my previous post) and that the devil is just trying to attack me as I wait out this stormy season of my life.

But the lies that the devil keeps pushing... after a while I start to get convinced that they are true. We've all been there.  Believing the lies that things will never work out, that this good thing that is happening will get ripped out from under us, that we aren't worthy of love or success or happiness, that we aren't enough.  When your in the sea of emotion, getting thrown from one high to the next low as situations get more confusing or unclear, its easy to start to believe that those things are true.

As I was praying, I was reflecting on the imagery of the ocean, the ebb and flow of the waves, the high and low tides, and their strength during a storm.  I recognize that right now, I am in the middle of the storm.  I am being tossed around as I try to anchor myself.  The anchor of our faith is trust.  My trust is there.  I know that I have trusted in God in the past, that my anchor was deep enough to touch the bottom of the ocean of life and keep me connected to Him and His love in the past.  But I'm not sure the waves have ever felt this big.  There are just so many different waves of emotions coming my way.  And then it hit me, I haven't let my anchor go deep enough.  He is calling me to trust Him more.  To let the line for my anchor of trust out more than it ever has before so that it reaches the depths of the oceans - that it reaches God again.

So my prayer is that I learn to trust more deeply in the Lord.  I know that he has always sustained me.  I just need to trust that he will continue to do so.

I am thankful that I know this song - Anchor by Josh Garrels.  It has been one of my favorites for a few years now and I believe that it truly is an anthem that I need to be listening to.  "Anchor of my soul, you sustain. When I'm in the storm, you remain.  You remain, good to me."  God truly has always been good to me.  He has never failed me.  He will not fail me now.  For He is always good to me.  My anchor.

Doubt & Trust

In life, there are many moving parts. Each one needs to function in order for the other parts to work. Every time one small part changes, there are other pieces that need moved, changed, or added for everything to function in harmony again. 

As this school year is reaching an end, a lot of pieces in my life are moving. I can feel it, but I don't necessarily see how to make everything work together in harmony again. When the big picture is fuzzy, it's easy to begin to doubt. I've been doubting every decision I make about every aspect of my life. But a wise person, who I am blessed to call my amazing sister, once told me that it is in moments of change that the devil attacks. And surely, I have learned that she is right. As questions about what next year will be like both personally and professionally entered my life, I could see the devil trying to twist my emotions, to make me lose hope. He was attacking everything I felt confident in so that I could feel confused and disoriented. He tried to convince me that I am not enough to make anything work, that I am a useless piece in the machine of life.

Then during prayer, God blessed me to stumble across Psalm 84. It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right moment. (God's pretty awesome like that!)

After a lot of reflection and self evaluation I have returned back to the truth - that I am enough because I am a child of God. I am His daughter and he created me to perfectly complement the rest of the machine of life. He knows what He is asking of me, He is constantly affirming me that I am enough because I am His, and He is simply asking me to trust in His goodness. 

Although life is still confusing, I'm finding my peace in Him who loves me. I've realized that I don't need to know everything right now, I just need to trust in His plan for me, for everything is possible with God!

God's Love

Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. -- Romans 12:12

A week ago, I was blessed to be with my beautiful family in Pittsburgh celebrating the wedding of my gorgeous cousin, Kim, to the man who can always bring a smile to her face, Will.  It was a beautiful catholic ceremony followed by a classy and chic reception.  

Even on a day of such beauty and love, I was struggling with many different internal struggles that day.  One of the major ones being where God is calling me next year.  I have prayed and discerned over this for months now.  I felt called in one specific direction for a while and began pursuing avenues to make it happen.  But as doors began to close, I began to doubt that what I wanted was God's will.  Luckily, I was blessed to be able to go home for the wedding because God really used this as an opportunity to speak to me.

At the ceremony, I was reminded of God's love.  How even through hardship and trial, He will always be faithful to us.  Kim and Will's marriage will be a constant reminder of that as they continue to grow in love of each other. I gained in that moment a peace and reassurance.  I thought about all of the beautiful relationships that are witnesses to God's never-ending love for us: my parents relationship with each other, my relationship with each of them, my relationships with my brother and sister, my relationship will all of my family, all of the wonderful couples I know, my relationship with my two little loves Cecilia and Kateri, and so many more.  If all of these examples of love are so beautiful, imagine how incredibly magnificent the Father's love is for us! A great sense of peace and love was there in that moment. And even though that moment was fleeting, I still remember it and have hope that it will be again.

While discerning over the past week there have been a lot of ups and downs making me still really unsure of what God is calling me to for the next year.

But I rejoice in the hope that He is guiding me.  With Him at my side I will endure this affliction within myself about what is next. As long as I continue to preserve in prayer I will be able to better know His will for me.

Holy Week

Holy Week in Honduras is a week long celebration of being Catholic. Not only do they have your normal masses and services, but they have the most beautiful alfombras and a million religious processions. Instead of a normal post, this is just a photo series of the Triduum. Enjoy!

Holy Thursday- celebration of the institution of the Eucharist, then a play of the Last Supper on the Cathedral steps

Thursday into Good Friday- making the alfombra (carpet made of sawdust) with ICB!

Good Friday- stations, masses and processions

Holy Saturday, Vigil Mass- 9 baptisms!

On Easter Sunday I was blessed to fly home and was greeted by these lovely faces (and my dad and Jeff in the car).

Needless to say, the Triduum was blessed! I hope that yours was too!