Where Joy & Sadness Meet

I am hovering in this place where joy and sadness meet.  Joy that I am with my family. Joy that I am back in the states.  Joy that I get to be with my family for an extra 3 weeks.  But that joy is met with extreme sadness.  Sadness that my Uncle Bill has passed away.  Sadness that my family is struggling to cope with his death.  Sadness that I am away from my students and friends during these last few weeks before Christmas.

This place, where joy and sadness meet, it's hard.  It's hard not to feel guilty in the moments of joy.

But I am learning that with all sadness, there is joy.  Sadness brings people together in a different, more vulnerable way.  That brokenness, that sadness, allows us to open up to people in new ways that when you are "okay" you wouldn't.  Through the trials and the sadness, I am joyful that we are learning more about each other and we are able to lean together towards the cross.  We are able to fall, together, to the feet of Jesus.  We are able to joyfully trust in what has been promised to us through the life, death, and resurrection of Our Lord.

Tonight, I rejoice that God has blessed me with 26 years of knowing my Uncle Bill.  I am joyful in my memories of him.  The memories of fresh popcorn, lots of music, comic-section-wrapped Christmas gifts, Chinese food, puzzles, logic games, pumpkin pie, and so many more.  I will greatly miss him, and my heart aches that he is no longer here with us.  But I find great joy in his memory and I will surely remember the love he had for all of us.

So maybe this place, the place where joy and sadness meet... shouldn't be so hard.  I'm learning to embrace it.  I'm learning to remember that the hardest things in life allow us to depend on each other and on God more than anything else.

Rest in Peace Uncle Bill, I love you more than you will ever know.

Surrender

Living with 3 beautiful, holy women, the conversation of vocations comes up often.  What are we called to? How do we meet our future spouse? What if God is calling us to religious life? Why hasn't God told me yet? How... ? What if...? When....?

It's so easy to get caught up in the questions.  So easy to feel pressure from the world to know and to act and to love.  Romantic comedies and TV shows make falling in love seem so easy, with few moments of struggle and many moments of joy and happiness.  Sometime looking at a religious you just see their determination and assume it was easy for them to get there.  Well, finding your vocation isn't a romantic comedy, and it surely isn't something that you can just set your mind to and instantly know.



Finding your vocation takes time.
         Time in prayer.
                  Time getting to know yourself.
                           Time getting to know our loving God.
                  Time to grow closer to God.
         Time to put others needs first.
And most importantly, time to surrender to God.



It is God who has always and will always love us.  It is God who gives us everything we need.  It is God's plan that is far better than anything that we can imagine.  So, I am trying to surrender.  Try to keep my focus solely on God.  Through him, I know the greatest love I could ever have. And I encourage you to do the same.

Here is a prayer that I have found to be very helpful from St. Anthony of Padua.

Be Satisfied with Me 

(by St. Anthony of Padua)

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied,

Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,

Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,

That I have planned for you.

You will never be united to another

Until you are united with Me.

Exclusive of anyone or anything else.

Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you

The most thrilling plan existing, one you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry

Don’t look around at things others have gotten

Or that I have given them

Don’t look around at the things you think you want,

Just keep looking off and away up to Me,

Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love

Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,

I am working even at this moment

To have both of you ready at the same time.

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me

And the life I prepared for you,

You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.

And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.

And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly. I Am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.

Ada Griscell

I have been blessed here in Honduras with a wonderful group of students to work with.  I have really grown to know and love each of them individually. I would like to introduce you to one of my eighth graders, Ada Griscell.

I am really distraught over one of my students in particular, Ada Griscell - she is sick. I have known that she was sick since the beginning of school when I received the note from the guidance office saying I always needed to let her go to the nurse if she asked, but I didn't know the details.  As I was reading her autobiographical incident essay, I realized the difficulty and severity of her illness. Her essay detailed how she found out she was sick and everything she has been through since. She suffers from Arteriovenous Malformation, a life threatening condition that causes her to have brain hemorrhages and seizures.  Luckily, this problem can be corrected with multiple brain surgeries.

But my heart is breaking because her family cannot afford the surgeries.  Her life is truly at risk.  And unlike the United States, where you get to pay for surgeries after they happen and you have insurance to help you pay for them, that is not the case here in Honduras.  All money for the procedure must be given before the procedure starts.  Because they cannot afford the surgery, it won't happen. When speaking with her mom at conferences through a translator, I was able to see her pain and how it was affecting all of those that love her. They are prayerfully waiting for God to bless them with the financial resources to help this wonderful 8th grader, Griscell, have this life-changing surgery.

So with the support from her family, I have decided to try to help by creating a Go Fund Me page for her. I encourage you to love her as much as I do, as much as her family does.  Help her and her family by constantly praying for them.  If you can, donate to help her.  Every dollar counts.

Thank you for your prayers and generosity!

Climbing Las Nalgas

As I have previously written about in My Mountain Tops, I pray best when hiking.  Being in nature and seeing the beauty of the Divine Creator makes me realize the boundless love of God.  I have been missing it greatly since arriving in Honduras.  God has blessed me and allowed me to learn to see His goodness in a many new ways.  I have learned how to pray, even in the noise, even away from nature.    But this past weekend, I am so grateful I got to pray in the way I know best - hiking!

Julie and I ventured back to Lago de Yojoa and we were blessed with absolutely beautiful weather! Bright blue skies, nice warm sunshine, and enjoyable temperatures made for an amazing hiking opportunity.  So on Saturday afternoon we met up with our local tour guide, Freddy, and we started walking to "Las Nalgas".  (If you want a good laugh, look up the translation.)  I was surrounded by little gifts from God and we headed towards our goal.

The climb was good, muddy, and steep.  I was able to reflect on challenges and perseverance in regards to faith as I encountered them physically.  The elevation change required multiple breathing breaks, including one where I almost sent Julie and Freddy ahead without me.  But I was remind of God's grace and patience as Julie insisted that they wait for me.  It was such a wonderful reminder that we cannot do things alone and that God will never leave us abandoned.  

When we finally made it to the top, we went to the town-side viewpoint first.  It was breathtaking! Large birds soaring overhead, blue skies, the mountains in the distance, and the town in the valley.  Everything seemed to be a peace - quiet and calm. We sat for a while, silently absorbing all of God's goodness.  My heart was so joyful in the silence and I couldn't help but feel the embrace of our loving Father through the beauty around me.

After relaxing and soaking it all in for a bit, we moved over to the lake-side viewpoint. This view was even more stunning than the first!  The predominately clear skies, the beautiful mountains, the clear lake, and the gorgeous marshland was incredible to see! 

As I stood at the top, I reflected on God's great goodness and His never ending love for me.  I am happy that I was able to climb Las Nalgas and I hope I have the opportunity to hike and pray again soon!

Contemplative Doodles

About a month ago, I shared a post about a book that I'm reading called Seeking the Beloved by Wayne Simsic.  Over the past month, this book has really helped to change my outlook on the darkness that I have been feeling in prayer.  Once again, I highly recommend this book to anyone that has been feeling the darkness in their life.  This book just keeps providing me with reassurance that God is present in the distance I feel and that he is using this time to make me grow even closer to Him. 

Well my most recent inspiration from this book has affirmed me in my new way of prayer that I started this year in Honduras - Prayer Doodles.  As a teacher, I have always thought of doodles as distracting and a lack of paying attention; A student mindlessly drifting away into a drawing.  And while I still might stop a student from doodling in class, I have learned that there is something meditative to it when doodling during prayer.  I have the ability to clear my mind completely as I color in the phrases or scriptures that God has placed on my heart.  I have a moment to sit with them, let them sink in, and truly rest in their presence. One of the reflections for Chapter 5 "From Meditation to Contemplation" really emphasizes this point.

Remember that contemplative prayer is not limited to the words or even silence;

 it can flow from and through everything we do.  

God's creative impulse to express something of the divine creation

 also finds expression in our own creativity. 

I know the concept of prayer doodling may be a little outside of the box.  In case you don't understand what I mean, here are a few that I am willing to share with the world - the rest are created solely for the divine creator. 

I encourage you to sit in God's presence.  Let the spirit guide you.  If you feel God's creative impulse come over you, whether it's doodling, singing, writing, creating... Do it!  God is working in you in those moments, drawing you closer to Him.  Get lost for a little bit in the grace of God's love flowing through you.  

The Story of an Adventure: Risk, Failure, and Growth

This weekend Ashley, Jenny, Julie, and I went away to a beautiful lake called Lago de Yojoa.  It was a great weekend of relaxation and we had the opportunity to socialize with new people.  Needless to say, it was wonderful! I am going to only share one story, about one risk that I took, but be assured the rest of the weekend was blessed and much needed!

My morning oasis!

On Friday, we went tubing down the canal to the lake.  At 10 am we met our guides and two friends we met the night before, Will and Pat. We grabbed our tubes and followed our Honduran guides down the road to the put in for the canal. When I think of a float, I imagine the relaxing, slow paced, let's hang out and talk type experience.  To my surprise, (and delight,) this was a lot faster paced and bit more exciting!  It is rainy season here in Honduras and the water was moving quite fast.  I thought it was exhilarating flying down the river and maneuvering through small little rapids, although some of the others didn't really feel the same way as they lost flip flops, hats, and even took a quick and unexpected swim.  The lush greenery and jungle-esq atmosphere flew past us as we floated on by.  It was awesome! The adventure really paid off at the end when the canal emerged into the calm, warm lake.  The mountains became visible through the sea of lavish trees and then as the trees dissipated, the lake appeared, so beautiful... so radiant... so incredibly perfect! I was so thankful and joyful in that moment.  I stopped forging ahead and just sat gazing in awe at the beauty that surrounded us.  The sun shining down, the warm water under me, and the magnificent view - I just felt so incredibly blessed to be able to experience this.

We didn't have a camera on our adventure, but I found this on
the Lago de Yojoa Facebook page.  It looks very close to
what we saw!

Then the tour guide asked who wanted to go cliff jumping.  I immediately said yes.  This is something I have wanted to do for a long time.  I know this might not be a risk that many want to take, but since I was a little kid and watched the episode of Full House where Becky and Jesse jump off the cliff into the water in Hawaii I have wanted to do it.  It just has always looked like something completely thrilling!  So Jenny, Julie, and I worked our way over the the climbing point.  The climbing point is basically an 80 degree rock climb.  There was no ladder or designated foot pegs to assist you on the 30 ft+ assent.  The guide flew up with ease.  Jenny climbed first hesitating a bit to find the proper hand/foot holds, then Julie followed suit and managed to work her way up quite quickly.  I was last to go.  I was over half way up on the climb when I realized the next place I wanted to step was too wet from Jenny and Julie to step onto.  When I realized how slippery it was, I asked for a little help from the people below to guide my steps because it was difficult to see.  Pat gave me some great advice and I agreed.  There was a risk though, I couldn't test the second foothold.

Well, I went for it.  I put my left leg where it needed to go and pulled up to place my right leg where I couldn't test it earlier.  It was too slick, there was no grip.  Suddenly, I realized I had lost my balance and I was falling.  My hand started to rip across the rocks and my left hiking sandal came undone as I quickly tried to gather my footing tearing my foot open.  My torso hit the rock hard and I was sliding down.  Within an instant I realized that there was no regaining my grip and I pushed myself off of the wall and back into the water.  Luckily on the way down I did not hit my head or break any bones.  Just a lot of scrapes and bruises, predominately on my left side.

In the moment, I felt fear, embarrassment, and defeat.  I hadn't been able to complete a climb that the two other girls in front of me could and I risked my life by doing so.  An adventure that I have wanted for years left unfulfilled.  I had failed.  And let me tell you, failure hurts.

But as I swam back to my tube with my body and my pride hurting, I thought to myself "This could have been so much worse. I could have a concussion right now, I could have a broken bone.... but I don't. I am alive and well."  Although I'm a bit cut-up and bruised,  I was protected by God's great love for me.  I took a risk, one that I have always wanted to.  Even though I failed in the physical assent, I was reminded of God's great love for me.

In the future, I have decided that I want to take more risks - not just in my adventures, but in relationships with others and with God.  I have always been a cautious person with a lot of big dreams.  Dreams that God has given me.  But rarely do I step outside of my comfort zone and try to accomplish those things because I am scared of the failure.  I want to take the risk (and possibly fail) so that I have the opportunity to grow.  By taking a risk and stepping outside of my introverted self to talk to someone new, I can make a new friend.  By taking a risk and praying in a way I have never tried before, I can grow closer to God.  By trying to climb a giant rock wall, I could be able to fulfill a dream.  Worse case scenario, I fail.  But I know, deep down, that God will always be there to protect me and keep me safe.  Just like he did as I failed this time.  He loves and will always be there for me.

Music leading us to Him

One things that I always feels draws me closer to God is good music.  Music I can sing to, music that can guide my thoughts, music that agrees with my soul.  Even from the time I was little, the things I remember the most easily are the songs we sang in church.  I can bust out my own personal rendition of "Lord of the Dance" or "On Eagle's Wings" whenever prompted, and many of the psalms are easily brought back to memory in the beautiful melodies that accompany them.  I have noticed since being here in Honduras that I am really absorbing more christian music than I ever have before.  I have been listening to music in both english and spanish which is really helping me to pray and learn in a whole new way.  Since most of you are native english speakers, I want to share with you an awesome song that I have been listening to lately.  It's an indie rock version of the classic "Come thou Fount."  A band called King's Kaleidoscope has done a great job at restyling this church hymn.  I love how the old words, that I know deep in my heart, are represented in a brand new way that sits so well with my soul.

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,

Mount of God's unchanging love.

As I reflect on the words of this song, I can't help but feel that song is true of my soul.  I love to sing at mass and praise God in songs of loudest praise.  It is through music that I am taught the melodious sonnets of the psalms.  Through prayer, especially prayer through song, I am made more aware of God's unchanging love for me. 

There is one part of the song that always pulls my attention because I feel that it is so real to how we are.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for thy courts above.

This is a beautiful prayer to the Lord.  It recognizes our human weakness and how distractions of the world can pull us away from God.  Through this recognition we surrender our weakness to God, asking him to take our hearts and make it his.  I feel that these lyrics begging God to protect us, guide us, and help us to remain in his love.  

So I hope that you enjoy this new take on an older hymn as much as I do.  May you let good music into your life and allow it to lead you closer to Him. 

Trying Everything

I have made a decision a while back- I am going to try everything I can while I'm here in Honduras.  If someone offers for me to participate in an activity, I'm going to do it.  When someone offers me a food that I've never even heard of before, I'm going to eat it.  I am going to learn to love where I am and experience life TODAY instead of wishing for something in the future.  Well, I am learning that I love a lot of things about Honduras, especially the people, the culture and the delicious food that they make.

Last week we celebrated the 8th anniversary at the school.  All of the Honduran teachers were working diligently to prepare different parts of the celebration.  One day during my planning period, I walked in and Laura was working on making a piñata-style mask for one of the dances.  When I offered to help she smiled and showed me the process.  I loved it!  I am an arts and crafts kinda girl and this was right up my alley!

Another thing that I got to experience for the first time was playing soccer. I've never understood the rules of soccer and it never seemed like something I would enjoy.  But yesterday after a meeting at work, I was asked if I wanted to play soccer.  I accepted, however I explained that I had NO idea what was going on.  Everyone that was playing was super nice about it and even passed it to me a few times.  I was able to assist on two goals! It was so much fun and I can't wait to play again soon!

The last thing that I am super grateful for is the food here.  The other teachers at the school are great at offering for me to try all of cultural food that they bring in for lunch. Gloria from the pulperia (concession stand/cafeteria) is always whipping up delicious local cuisine, too.  I have fallen in love with fresh salsas, baleadas, pupusas, gringas, and so so much more.   As I try new things I always ask what is in it and how to make it.

Last night Madeline, a wonderful coworker and parent to one of my students, invited the four of us over to her house for dinner.  She was making pupusas for us.  Earlier in the week, when Madeline and I were talking, I mentioned my desire to learn how to cook classic Honduran meals, especially pupusas because they are just so delicious! So as soon as we arrived and met all of her wonderful extended family, she said "Cheryl, it's time for you to learn!" I was so excited I basically ran into the kitchen.  She had the dough prepared, quesillo mashed, and the chicarron was ready.  She told me the process for creating the tortilla dough, and explained that chicarrron is their form of bacon.  Her patience with me while explaining the process was awesome! As we made them with her sister, we talked and laughed and I was just so happy to be here, in Honduras, learning to cook and spend time with such wonderful people!

Dinner was absolutely delicious and the conversation, bilingual of course, was super fun! It was a great night and I hope to continue to learn new things and continue to build relationships with those around me.  Ohh, and I can't wait to learn how to cook even more of my favorite Honduran things!

I would like to challenge you to try new things.  The more I have tried new things, the more I have learned to love where I am and the hard moments are easily forgotten because there is so much joy in trying something new.  Life is so much more enjoyable when you are pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone.  I know I'll be busy trying everything!

Beacon of Light in the Darkness

In my last post "I love you at your darkest", I shared about how I have been feeling in the dark lately. Well my good friend and current roommate, Jenny, gave me a copy of a book entitled "Seeking the Beloved: A prayer journey with St. John of the Cross" by Wayne Simsic.  If you share any of the sediments of that post, I suggest that you pick up a copy of this book.

Right now, God is speaking to my soul so much through this author.

"Faith constantly call us beyond our limitations because we never really know God, 

so the darkness increases as our faith deepens." 

I feel like I have definitely been called beyond my personal limitations here in Honduras - I am away from so many people I love and all of the comforts of my previous life.  But as I enter more into the darkness, my faith has to increase.  The more time I spend in pryer, the more I realize how far away I am from the One that created me.  The more I learn and get to know God, the more I realize I don't know.  It's a beautiful and stressful contradiction.  I have to have trust more, depend less on how I feel and more on what I know to be true.... I need to grow in faith.

God is calling me into the darkness right now.  Instead of feeling despair, this book has given me hope.  Hope that this is what is necessary to purify my heart - to prepare me for whatever it is that God has planned next.

"Love joins faith in showing us the way through the inevitable darkness that comes with spiritual growth.  It is faith that prepares us for union with God by drawing us into the unknown, and it is love - the heart's longing for the divine - that provides light even in the thickest darkness of night."

I have always been blessed to be aware of God's never ending love for me.  I am learning now to have faith in that love even when I do not feel it.  This darkness was inevitable.  If I was in the states or living here in Honduras, the darkness was coming.  God set this time aside in my life to experience this. I am blessed to have this time of sanctification to get even closer to God.  This faith in his unceasing love is my beacon of hope as I continue through this darkest part of my journey to Him yet.  I pray that each of you have hope in the boundless love of our amazing God so that when your darkness comes, it just doesn't seem as dark as it could be.

I love you at your darkest

I'm going to be completely honest here - life is hard.  Life is hard for everyone.  No matter where you are in the world. No matter what possession you have.  No matter what the situation... Life is hard.

When I lived in Pittsburgh and worked at one of the highest ranked schools in the state, life was hard.  It was hard because there was so much pressure to live up to.  The difficulty occurred because I let my life be consumed by trying to be the best.  The struggle was there as I pushed and pushed myself to be the best and no matter how hard I tried, I never felt like I succeeded.  I also didn't realize how much I was drifting away from my faith because my focus was so much on performance.  Instead of taking time to pray at night, I would be going over my schedule for the next day.  Instead of prayer in the car on the way to work, I would listen to music to hype me up to get through the day.  Life didn't seem hard - it seemed fine, but looking back it was indeed hard.

When I lived in central PA, life was hard.  I was separated from the ones I loved the most and the group of people that I felt kept me grounded in my faith.  But that struggle lead me to truly begin to prioritize my faith.  It was hard.  Hard to hold myself accountable for my prayer life.  Hard to live a moral life.  Hard to be the person that I was created to be.  God blessed me with great friends and a phenomenal church, but life was still hard.

Now living here in Honduras, life is a new kind of difficult.  My past struggles have helped prepare me, but I have been having this overall feeling of darkness.  An indescribable distance from God.  It's heartbreaking for me knowing that I have come all the way here to love Him, serve Him, and get to truly know Him.  The darkness is hard.  The struggle is real.  The style of life here isn't hard for me, and for that I am blessed, but the lack of feeling connected to the One that created me is extremely difficult.  

Last night, I was truly blessed in prayer.  I was reading Romans 5:8

God proved his love for us

in that while we were still sinners 

Christ died for us.

How beautiful! God loves us, no matter what our sins, no matter what our struggles, no matter the depth of the darkness - he loves us!  I was caught up a bit on this verse, it just kept coming back to my mind even as I continued to read.  So I stopped reading and began reflecting on just this verse.  I decided after a while that I should google it... not sure why, it's not something I usually do.  But one of the first images that came up was a quote that said "I love you at your darkest."  Immediately my heart was filled.  

We all have darkness.  Our darkest moments are the moments of our life that we are ashamed of or that we want no one to see.  Well, God always sees us, even at our darkest. It is reassuring to know that His love knows no bounds.  

I hope that if you are struggling like I am that these words give you the hope that they gave me.  

"I love you at your darkest."  Jesus

Prayer in New Ways

Every week on Thursdays the school starts the day with Hora Santa, which means Holy Hour.  Typically, adoration here is very structured.  Guided prayers, reflections being read, bible verses, songs, more structured prayers, more guided reflections, more songs... you get the picture.   Every week although the songs, readings, and reflections change, the structure is the same.  There is little time for the students to pray in their own way.

Well, last week on Thursday I was responsible for planning the reflections for Holy Hour.  I decided to change the structure a little bit.  My thought was a little less talking, a lot more prayer.  I also wanted to encourage the students to pray in a new way, their own way.  After the opening song and standard prayers,  I had one of my students read Luke 11: 9-13.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be give to you;

See and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks receives;

The one who seeks finds;

and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of your fathers, if your son asks for a fish, 

will give him a snake instead?

Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

If you then, though you are evil, 

know how to give good gifts to your children,

How much more will your Father in heaven

give the Holy Spirt to those who ask him!

Another student then read a reflection about opening your heart to God, asking for what you need and trusting that our Loving Father in heaven will provide.  I then encourage the students to write a letter to God, thanking Him for what He has blessed them with and asking for what they need.  I encouraged them to either write a letter or draw a picture or sit quietly and pray. The students seemed really into it! 

After about 10 minutes of prayer in their own way, we had another reading and reflection that my students prepared.  Then during the song "Lord, I need you" by Matt Maher played by our wonderful Mr. Wilmer, the students presented their letters to Jesus.  They were so reverent and prayerful.  It was absolutely beautiful watching the students of the school physically and spiritually come to Jesus. 

 When adoration was over I was just overwhelmed with the joy and beauty of the Holy Hour.  My students wrote journal entries about Holy Hour that day and how they enjoyed being able to pray in a new way.  One girl wrote about how she loves to write and she never realized the opportunity to pray through writing.  I was just amazed at the little seeds planted in their hearts.

A beautiful sight

God is so good!
 I hope that my students continue to discover new ways to pray
because our life is a never ending prayer to a loving God!

Exactly What I Needed

Sometimes, I have hard days.  No real reason why, but they are just hard.  I struggle with the littlest things and they shouldn't add up to a hard day, but somehow they do.  Well, today was one of those days.  I was just dragging a bit. When we had tutoring after school, I just couldn't focus and decided to drink a cup of coffee.  Unfortunately, the coffee didn't help my cause and I still was just mentally beat... so much so that I kept thinking it was Thursday.  So tonight when I walked into the church right at 6pm, I was shocked to see the Missionaries of Charity and their beautiful kids.  I thought to myself "Wow, they brought their kids to adoration AND mass! How beautiful! How brave!"  As they waved me over to sit with them, I was super excited.  The seat next to one of the little girls that I love so dearly was open.  As soon as I sat down, she gave me a huge hug and all of the little stresses of the day melted away.

The little bell rang for mass to begin.  A reminder that it is Wednesday, not Thursday, which meant that there wasn't adoration today. But I didn't care about that fact that I was disoriented about the day of the week, or the little things that have been driving me crazy all day. I was at mass with a little girl who just couldn't get enough of being next to me.  It was a beautiful feeling to feel wanted.  All of mass she just wanted to snuggle in next to me.  I might not have processed a lot of the reading in spanish today or understood a bit of the homily, but God showered me with His love through her.  And as always, God knew exactly what I needed.

It's All About Perception

One thing that I have definitely learned since being in Honduras is that you are entirely responsible for how you feel.  When something difficult begins to occur, if you meet it with resistance it is going to be the most difficult thing that you have ever experienced.  It is going to wreck your emotions and make you feel weak and incompetent.  However if at the beginning you choose to look at it as an opportunity to grow, you begin to flourish.  It is going to be rewarding because you can mark your own growth.

It's all about how you perceive a situation.  I found this little gem on pinterest that perfectly depicts what I mean...

Some see a difficult student, 

        some see a child that needs love.

Some see a confrontation coming, 

        some see an opportunity to die to yourself.

Some see a grocery store that doesn't have what you want, 

        some see the chance to try new things.

Some see a struggle, 

        some see a new chance to grown.

I want to challenge you to choose to have a positive perspective in life.  Meet the struggles with the least resistance.  Take the opportunity to let God work in you.  Typically, the difficult moments are the ones that allow you see things in a completely different light.  They are the ones that push you to have a broader outlook on life and see things completely different than you ever have before.  Perceive the world in a beautiful way!

Lychees!

Since I arrived in Honduras, I have been on the prowl for one specific thing - lychees.

I first tasted the greatness of this amazing fruit in Jamaica.  I can still remember driving down the mountain and the brother from the Missionaries of the Poor pulled over and summoned the other brother up to talk to him.  It is a vivid image of the second brother removing his cassock and jumping off the side of the mountain into the trees.  I was both shocked and amazed as he scaled the tree with ease.  I noticed he was collecting these red, spiky things.  I was curious, what could this be that made a man jump off the side of a mountain? Well shortly after he collected a plethora of these little spiky balls, I found out.  He came back, handed me one and said that this was a lychee.  He thing showed us how to twist them open to reveal a white flesh membrane. He sucked it into his mouth and motioned for us to do the same.  He warned us that there was a pit in the middle but to eat off as much of the white part as we could. It was like something I had ever tasted before! Tart, but sweet and absolutely delicious!

Well you can imagine my shock in November, years after my only encounter with this amazing fruit, that they have lychees in Honduras!  It was when I was visiting Eric and the Missioners of Christ for a small mission over Thanksgiving.  Eric was showing us around Comayagua and there was a person selling them.  I literally looked at Eric and said "LYCHEES! THEY HAVE LYCHEES!" He looked at me, smiled, and asked the woman how much they were.  I bought a big bag and took them to the mission house to share with everyone.  They were just as I remembered, and I was super excited.

So, since arriving to Honduras 6 weeks ago, I have been looking. Sometimes I would see people eating them, but no one selling them.  Not in the grocery store or being sold by street vendors.  I was disappointed, but I have been on the look out. Well today is the day that I finally found them! We were at a farmers market in the barrio next to ours when a man looked at all of us "gringas" and pointed to his produce and said "Tengo lychees!"  I looked over and saw what I have been looking for!  I approached his wife and purchased a large bag for 20 Lempiras, which is approximately $1.  Best dollar ever spent!

After my great buy, I couldn't wait to get home and dive into this amazing treat that I have been blessed with!  As you can imagine, I am nom-ing down on these as I write this post.  Luckily, the bag is quite large and it doesn't even look like a made a dent in it so I'll have this wonderful treat for the next few days! Hopefully...

Independence Day in Honduras

On September 15 Honduras celebrates it's independence.  I was very blessed to be able to be here and witness a great celebration within Comayagua!

The week before, the teachers at school kept talking about how we needed to prepare a float for the parade.  So on Friday after work and Saturday morning, we all got together and built it for the parade.  It was a beautiful float with a large image of the church and the Blessed Virgin Mary.  I learned a very valuable lesson about the people of Honduras and it's something that I truly appreciate about this culture - the people here care about spending time with each other.  I know this may seem like something that is true in the U.S., but it is so much more here.  They do not put productivity first or what needs to be accomplished.  We were there to BE TOGETHER.  At first, my super goal-oriented self was frustrated because I just wanted to start working and the supplies were not yet onsite.  But once I realized the joy of spending time with the other teachers, I came to see what a blessing it was to just be.  There was no pressing deadline or agitation with each other over what we were accomplishing because we were completing the number one priority - being together. This is a lesson that I hope to carry with me always - Be present and love where you are.  It was awesome! I mean, eventually we did get a lot done and built this awesome float!

Julie and Jenny with the float!

So early on Sunday morning we all met at the parade route.  I had no ideas really on what to expect.  I was amazed at the number of people that were there to participate in the parade.  Then, I found out that this parade was only part 1 of a 2 day celebration! Sunday was all of the elementary schools and the private schools.  On Monday, Independence Day, was the parade for the high school and college students.  Each school was represented, as well as drum corps, majorettes, pageant winners, and other individuals.  There were so many unique costumes and the beats of the drummers were awesome! I loved being emerged into such a great celebration of culture!

 It was a great day experiencing the culture and being with my coworkers! Remember, be present and love where you are!

Humility and Joy

       I've noticed that every day this week one of my students, Armando, keeps making a point to stand next to me during morning and afternoon prayer. He always has this huge smile on his face.  Well, yesterday he decided to keep asking me to read the first part of the prayer aloud.  "Miss Cheryl, even just the first word!" When I inquired why another student, Michelle, yells "He loves how you say 'Señor!' Please Miss Cheryl, for Armando." I immediately became really self conscious and though to myself "Do I say it wrong? No, I know how to say Señor!" So I gave in and uttered the word señor in my best spanish.  Armando grinned from ear to ear.  I smiled and we all laughed at just how silly Armando was being. I just let it go, he's a native spanish speaker and I am not - I'm sure my accent is funny.

      Later in the day I was reflecting on this crazy interaction.  I have been taking spanish lessons at night and I am starting to really feel confident in my pronunciation of the words I use often.  I want to be fluent, even though I know I am long, LONG, way away.  But hopefully, one day, I can get there.

     Well, I went in to teach the last class of the day and Armando says "Miss Cheryl, can we have a free write today for our journal - I have a topic I want to write about."  I agreed and let them all spend the first 10 minutes of class journaling about whatever they wanted.  He sprinted up to my desk as soon as he finished and said "Miss, you have to read this!"  This is what he showed me: 

     I laughed so loud that it peaked the attention of all of the other students in the class.  Armando's face turned bright red and we laughed and laughed.  All of the others begged to read it.  He refused to let them read it and asked me not to read it out loud. So I agreed with one stipulation, that I could take a picture of it. With this little journal entry and an afternoon of good-humored fun, I gained a lot of humility.  I am not great at spanish, I am definitely no where close to being fluent, but I am trying.  My students know that I am working on improving my spanish just as they are working to improve their english.  It was a humbling moment that brought so much joy! 

      Immediately after the students went home I went to the teachers room and shared with my coworkers.  I told the story in my best spanglish.  It was great! A few of the bilingual teachers helped me translate a few words here or there, but I did it! Everyone got a kick out of it because they know that I'm trying.  It was at that moment, when all of my coworkers and I were laughing that a little bit of humility brought so much joy.  I thought of how different the situation would have been if I would have become offended.  I would have been frustrated, angry, and unsure of how to handle it.  I would have walked in the teachers room embarrassed and unwilling to speak.  But God gave me a little bit of humility, and it brought such great joy!

Day of the Child

          Today was the annual “Day of the Child” celebration all across Honduras.  I have been hearing about it since the first day of in-service, but I never really received details about what we were celebrating.  Well, today I learned – it truly is just a day to celebrate children.  We celebrate by doing things all children love; we played games, ate a lot of super delicious sweets, took our turns at a piñata, and laughed a lot.

            When I arrived at school we immediately went to the church and as a school we started the day in prayer.  It was awesome to see teachers being thankful for their students and students being thankful for each other.  From there, the secondary students boarded a bus to go to a public school in a less fortunate Aldea.  We brought snacks and piñatas with us.  Since I’m the homeroom teacher for 8^th grade and teach all of the upper grades, I got to go with them.  

After a 30-minute bus ride up the mountain filled with teenagers being teenagers (singing along to the radio, eating snacks, and chatting away) we finally arrived at this beautiful little piece of land with 6 small, garage sized, buildings on it.  Each building had two classrooms in it, fully equipped with chalkboards and desks.  It was such a beautiful school.  My heart longed to be there every day, serving these students who struggle to make ends meet.

            Quickly, I learned that God has placed me at the ICB for a reason and although my heart longs to one day possibly teach at a school like that, I am blessed to be where I am.  The language barrier was jarring to me.  All of these beautiful brown eyed children ran up to me and my students, expecting me to know what was going on.  I greeted them “Hola!” But that is where my Spanish and international game ideas ended.  I know a TON of games to play with children, but I didn’t know how to communicate ANY of it in Spanish.  Luckily, I am blessed to have amazing students who saw me struggling and stepped in to help.  Carlos immediately being leading a game of “Mar y Tierra,” and the children laughed and laughed.  I loved seeing him be a leader as my other students quickly stepped up to help him.  Aaron stepped in to help be my translator as I talked with the other teacher from the Aldea.  I am so grateful for students like Carlos and Aaron.  They are so willing to help others and are great examples of what it means to have a servant’s heart. 

Aaron and Gustavo leading the kiddos in a game!

Carlos leading "Mar y Tierra"! 

After playing a few different games, my class rounded up all of the little ones we were in charge and we shared a delicious cake, a ton of cookies, and some pop - a prayer first, of course.  The smiles on the faces of the children and the laughter between my students and the kids were such a joy to see.  After everyone had their fill of sugar, we went back outside for the much anticipated piñata!

            It was my first experience with a piñata here in Central America and we had 3 for our group! It was awesome watching as they seamlessly took turns and counted each persons number of hits.  Everyone got a chance and each time candy rained down on them they shrieked with joy and scurried about collecting their fair share.  After we were done with the piñatas and cleaned up, we went back to school.

When we arrived, the elementary students were playing.  The elementary students stayed at school all day and had their own celebration. There was bounces houses and a clown! The kids were all wound up because they ate so many cupcakes, cookies, and pizza all day long.  My students started playing soccer and included the little one that wanted to play.  Everyone was just relaxed and having fun until the busses arrived.   

Overall, it was a wonderful day with many, many blessings! My students are awesome and I would have been so overwhelmed and unable to function without them.  It was amazing to see God working through them to share joy and love with those that are less fortunate then them. God is good!

Gustavo, Carlos, Aaron, and Hector - 4 of my superstars for the day!