A Beautiful Mess: My talk for CHWC 2014

This year I was blessed with the opportunity to give a talk at CHWC on the theme of camp "A beautiful mess".  I loved giving this talk and hopefully I was able to connect with some of the campers so that they could see the beautiful mess that is their lives.

Here is the transcript of my talk with the visual aides I created for it: 

A few summers back when I was working for CHWC, was going through a rough time.  I was lucky to have found such a supportive group of people so quickly, but I still felt completely lost.  We went to the beach on one of our off days to watch the sunset and I was sitting, praying, reflecting, and trying not to break down.  I felt like my life was in shambles.  Seeing all of the people around me have such a deep and meaningful prayer life really hurt knowing that I didn’t feel that way.  I was praying for God to guide my life.  And while I was writing in my prayer journal, I had a vision –

There was a vase on a table. 

And I was there, painting it with things that I thought would make it more beautiful. Every so often, I would paint a bit more – each part meaning a different moment of my life. Graduation, a heartbreak, the discovery of a new passion, a moment where I felt unique… Anything that I felt would enhance my life… Trying to make it more beautiful.  I would place flowers in it, feeling like my life was full, but they would die.  I would paint a little be more, then replace them… and the cycle kept continuing. 

  

Then all of the sudden, there was an earthquake.  The table was shaking and the vase was rocking back and forth, until finally it fell off the table and shattered into a  million pieces.

God gave me two options when I was looking at the colorful mess on the floor.  I could glue the vase back together - choosing to be broken forever, never holding water, thus never holding flowers again.

OR I could choose to let him turn it into a mosaic. 

Well, I have chosen to let God build me into a mosaic.  He saw my life, filled with worldly goals and possessions, moving further and further away from him, and he allowed my brokenness so that I could become a beautiful mess for him.   He has collected all of the pieces of my life and slowly has been placing them where he wants them. 

I have followed him to two jobs - both helping me to grow into the person and teacher that I am.  For the second job, I followed him away from my family.  And now as I continue to follow him, I see why he pushed me to move the 3 hour drive away from my family, to help me prepare for the next major move.  In August, I am letting him move one of the biggest pieces of my heart yet – to Honduras.  And although my life is still messy, I know that he is doing it.  He is guiding the pieces, and I get to look back at my life and see how the pieces have been beautifully pieced together.  And all because I finally asked him to guide my life.

Let God be the earthquake that breaks the vase that you have been making perfect for the world to see.  Let him shake up your life this week.  Let him break down the perfection you are trying to seek.  Open your heart to him.  Give him all of the pieces to your life.  Slowly, but surely, your mosaic will come together.  His is working on placing it – piece by beautifully broken piece. Embrace the mess and trust the in his goodness he will be with you.