A Beautiful Mess: My talk for CHWC 2014

This year I was blessed with the opportunity to give a talk at CHWC on the theme of camp "A beautiful mess".  I loved giving this talk and hopefully I was able to connect with some of the campers so that they could see the beautiful mess that is their lives.

Here is the transcript of my talk with the visual aides I created for it: 

A few summers back when I was working for CHWC, was going through a rough time.  I was lucky to have found such a supportive group of people so quickly, but I still felt completely lost.  We went to the beach on one of our off days to watch the sunset and I was sitting, praying, reflecting, and trying not to break down.  I felt like my life was in shambles.  Seeing all of the people around me have such a deep and meaningful prayer life really hurt knowing that I didn’t feel that way.  I was praying for God to guide my life.  And while I was writing in my prayer journal, I had a vision –

There was a vase on a table. 

And I was there, painting it with things that I thought would make it more beautiful. Every so often, I would paint a bit more – each part meaning a different moment of my life. Graduation, a heartbreak, the discovery of a new passion, a moment where I felt unique… Anything that I felt would enhance my life… Trying to make it more beautiful.  I would place flowers in it, feeling like my life was full, but they would die.  I would paint a little be more, then replace them… and the cycle kept continuing. 

  

Then all of the sudden, there was an earthquake.  The table was shaking and the vase was rocking back and forth, until finally it fell off the table and shattered into a  million pieces.

God gave me two options when I was looking at the colorful mess on the floor.  I could glue the vase back together - choosing to be broken forever, never holding water, thus never holding flowers again.

OR I could choose to let him turn it into a mosaic. 

Well, I have chosen to let God build me into a mosaic.  He saw my life, filled with worldly goals and possessions, moving further and further away from him, and he allowed my brokenness so that I could become a beautiful mess for him.   He has collected all of the pieces of my life and slowly has been placing them where he wants them. 

I have followed him to two jobs - both helping me to grow into the person and teacher that I am.  For the second job, I followed him away from my family.  And now as I continue to follow him, I see why he pushed me to move the 3 hour drive away from my family, to help me prepare for the next major move.  In August, I am letting him move one of the biggest pieces of my heart yet – to Honduras.  And although my life is still messy, I know that he is doing it.  He is guiding the pieces, and I get to look back at my life and see how the pieces have been beautifully pieced together.  And all because I finally asked him to guide my life.

Let God be the earthquake that breaks the vase that you have been making perfect for the world to see.  Let him shake up your life this week.  Let him break down the perfection you are trying to seek.  Open your heart to him.  Give him all of the pieces to your life.  Slowly, but surely, your mosaic will come together.  His is working on placing it – piece by beautifully broken piece. Embrace the mess and trust the in his goodness he will be with you.

3 weeks!

In 3 weeks I will be in Honduras at one of my first training sessions as a missionary teacher. I am super super excited about this opportunity but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous about it. It still doesn't feel real that it is happening. Over the past few weeks at CHWC, I have been praying a lot about the journey ahead and the musicians keep playing this song I had never heard before this called "Oceans" by Hillsong United.  It is absolutely beautiful and there is one part that really describes my current emotions. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I know that there are going to be struggles ahead. I have been praying so much to trust in God's plan and to see Him in everything. The waves are going to come, they are already stirring in my heart as I think about leaving my family. But I pray that God will take my faith deeper than I could ever and that through this experience I will be growing closer to him. 

As I was writing in my prayer journal today, this first line kept playing over and over in my head. Here is my prayer doodle that came from it.

I want to trust God with no reservations, no borders. I want to take this leap of faith and dive heart first into the mission that he has planned for me :)

Seeing God

Camp is a really hard time for staff members to take time out everyday and pray. It seems crazy, working for a Catholic organization and still lacking time to pray. However, the hectic work hours and desire to be in community with each other consumes around 19 hours of each day. With minimal time to sleep and so much to do, it's easy to put our prayer life on hold until travel season is over.

Today I realized how often I had been doing that when I was even MC for program and had to say how I saw God today. That's not something I have done in over a week! How had I seen God? I saw God today in a camper. Her friend had such anxiety about her first work day at camp that she made herself sick to her stomach. This teen eagerly was looking for her friend, showing such genuine concern. It was beautiful to see her console and encourage her friend. God was working through her to support her anxious friend. Both teens went to their seperate worksites to serve today - doing great things to help even more people. 

For the rest of my tour I am blessed to be the evening MC. Because of this, I am blessed with the opportunity to prayerful reflect and look for God each day. I pray that the rest of my team, all the CHWC teams, and all of you lovely readers out there take a moment today to look for God. He is always there - waiting for you to find him.

Moving mountains

It's amazing to see God's great works during Four Corners! The teens this week are so invested in their prayer life and just through conversations and prayer together I can see the mountains being moved.  Mountains of pain, hurt, and feelings of neglect. Mountains of confusion, and regret.  Mountains of self doubt, self harm, and lack of self respect.  God is moving in each and every camper that has opened themselves up to him.

Over 60% of these campers are new to CHWC, but they have truly risen to the challenge to open their hearts this week. I feel so blessed to be a part of this organization :)

Beautiful Mess

Last night was resident night at camp - the highlight of every week of camp for me because it makes any struggles throughout the week worth it.  For those of you reading this that have never to been to camp, resident night is a time where the people that the campers are serving come to evening program and share. It is a beautiful time filled with joy and gratitude to both each other and God. 

One of the students actually raised his hand to speak and he was reflecting on his work week. He said they were asked to clean and repair a shed. He kept wondering why he had to do it because it was in horrible condition and it would be better (& easier) in his opinion to just get rid of the shed. But then he said the most beautiful thing - he didn't give up because he thought of God not giving up on him because he was too messy. He challenged everyone there to realize that God hasn't given up on them because they are still breathing, and to take advantage of every opportunity to help someone else feel that love. It was so beautiful! And all of this insight from a high school boy! 

God is truly doing great things in the hearts of these campers and I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of it. 

Let them come to me - Richmond adoration

On Tuesday night I had the most beautiful experience thus far at CHWC - adoration in Richmond, VA. 

I love Eucharistic Adoration and I love seeing people experience Jesus' presence, love, and healing for the first time. We processed to the church and campers spread out immediately, so that they could have their own space to meet Our Lord! It was beautiful to see them approach the altar with such reverence and the desire to be near Christ! 

The atmosphere was beautiful with the dimmed lights, gorgeous church, and phenomenal musicians (which I am blessed to call my teammates!) Sara played Restless by Audrey Assaud which is one of my favorite praise and worship songs. "I am restless, until I rest in you, oh God." What a true and beautiful statement of these campers! They were energetic and loud until they found peace and rest in our Lord at Adoration. With tears in my eyes, I couldn't help but thank God for all of the people he gathered together to make this week in Richmond wonderful! His children truly did come to Him and they found rest. 

CHWC Team 3B

Last week I met 8 wonderful people from al over the country to join me for a summer of service. I love working for Catholic Heart Workcamp because it helps me to put my faith in action every summer on a larger scale than I can do at home.  My brother, Doug, keeps calling CHWC  my "mini mission" before Honduras. Well, let me introduce you to my beautiful team! Miriam, Mandy, Billy, Kraig, Sara, Ben, Steffi, and Mark. 

God has blessed our team with people who love to serve and have very diverse gifts. Our personalities clicked immediately and the joy that has been radiating since we met unbelievable!

Last week we trained in Magnolia, DE. It was a great week with a great transition team.

On our free day we went to the beach. It was a great time to bond as a team and get some sun. 

This week we are in Richmond, VA. The love and support of this camp is amazing! I have never been to a camp where the parish cares so much about the staff and is so willing to drop everything to come help. It has been a week of phenomenal food, surprises, and fellowship. God is so good and is definitely moving in the parish to make the community this Christ-centered. The little acts of kindness are just what we needed to kick of this summer right!

God has given me so many blessings this past week! Hopefully sometime soon I will be able to update again soon!