The JOY of teaching!

As most of you know, I was a math teacher before Honduras.  What most of you don't know is that during my last year of teaching mathematics before Honduras I felt so distant from what I thought should be doing.  Work was difficult, although I did my best to educate my student well.  It was difficult because my heart was slowly being pulled toward mission and life in Honduras.  The stronger I felt about going to Honduras and the more peace I gained about my decision to go, the more difficult staying in the present moment was and the more I felt like I shouldn't teach math.

Well after a year in Honduras, I found myself in a mathematics classroom again. Honduras was wonderful, I loved everything about it.  And when staying in Honduras couldn't work out, I was bummed out.  I didn't necessarily feel that teaching math was something that I wanted at that very moment.  I was still there... living the life I was called to at that moment and I soaked it all in.  I didn't feel that discontent that I had before Honduras.  I had peace about where I was and I was praying to learn to accept where I was going.

Now, I am finally settling in here in Colorado. Today was my first day of my second year with my students here, and it was great!  The zeal I used to have for teaching, way back in the beginning is back!  I am loving every second of it.  My classes ignited my fire to teach math again today. They were excited and engaged and hung on every word that I said! It was so beautiful to have that reassurance that God is calling me here, to this school, right now.  I have made connections with them.

And all of this is just even greater evidence to me of God's great love for me and His plan in motion.  If I would have moved to Colorado when I moved to Honduras, I never would have had the moment that I felt "This is where I am supposed to be" today.  I would have still been overwhelmed, unmotivated, and unsettled.  But He pushed me so far out of my comfort zone while I was in Honduras that now, here in Colorado, I can appreciate the comfort of teaching something that I am good at teaching. God provided me the opportunity to better appreciate the gift I have been given.  Truly, I am so blessed to have a better understanding of my gift in the classroom and I hope that this year I can continue to foster that gift and watch it grow so that my students can continue to grow into the beautiful people that they are.

Here's to year two and the chance to "Make every day an adventure!"

Finding Calm in the Chaos

Moving for me is always organized chaos. Labeled bins and itemized lists can only help calm the tornado of mayhem that always comes with moving to a new place. 

This time I was blessed to have be able to have my parents help me move out to Colorado. It was a fantastic blessing to have them with me, helping me unpack, organize my apartment, and feel settled in. While they were here, we really had the opportunity to see a lot of the major attractions in the area. 

But even with their help, the storms of moving to a new place and a new job sometimes cause me to feel like I'm spiraling out of control. With daily trainings, a new curriculum to learn, Colorada state standards to adapt to, and every growing to-do list, it's easy to feel off balance. Like my life is spinning and there is no calmness, no quietness, no peace. 

But I have been blessed to have learned while in Honduras that prayer and spending time in the real presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament can truly ground you during the storms of life. So I have been prioritizing Jesus, more and more each day. And each day I find time to be with Him, the happier, more joyful and peaceful I become. My new parish here has a Pepetual Adoration Chapel and I have been able to plug in and sign up for a Holy Hour each week. Even though it is significantly more difficult to find time for my Beloved, it is vital to continue to grow closer to Him. And by being with Him in adoration, I feel our connection rekindling. When I am in His presence, He calms the storms of my heart, eases the worries of my mind, and helps me to remember that I am made from love and for love. It's the most beautiful gift I can ever receive. And He is there, perpetually, waiting for me to arrive in His presence to give me Himself.

So I challenge you, find time with Him. Whether 5 seconds, 5 minutes, or 5 hours. Find time to be with your Beloved. For you are His beloved child, and He is earnestly waiting for you to arrive in His presence to share His love with you!

New Adventure!

Since leaving Honduras, I have had the wonderful opportunity to be with some of my closest family and friends.  I have shared delicious meals with amazing people, caught up over coffee and ice cream with caring friends, created new games before watching a great American pastime, explored a waterfall with a new bride-to-be, went to the drive in with my amazing family, danced bachata with one of the most beautiful and courageous women I know, listened to live music with people I love, experienced some of the joys of childhood again by hanging with some of the most adorable children that God has ever created, had heart to hearts with best friends, enjoyed the moment where one of my dearest friends picked out her wedding dress, went halve-sies with my bestie who I'm blessed to call my sister, and shared stories and life advice with my incredible parents around a campfire... And this is just a few of the many moments that have made up the past five weeks! 

To all of the people I was blessed to see while home, thank you! I'm blessed to have you in my life and those memories will sustain me when I am missing all of you!

Tomorrow starts a new adventure for me. I am Colorado bound in the morning. A new chapter that has been in the making for years. I fell in love with Colorado in 2010. I've always wanted to go back, and possibly live there. It is amazing to look back right now and see how God has worked in my life to make this happen. It is His hand at work. It is Him placing each little thing in my life over the past 5 years that has led me there. It is the gift the He gave me of my time Honduras that showed me that I am capable of moving somewhere where I don't really know anyone and building strong friendships and connections. It is His timing. And tomorrow it all begins.  I am so thankful for this opportunity to continue to trust in His plan, His timing, and His never ending love for me. 

Next time I write, the new adventure will be in full swing! Now - Colorado or bust!

He is waiting

Since I was in high school I have known that I needed to have a personal relationship with Christ.  I have been working on my relationship with Jesus since then, but it wasn't until recently that I realized that you need to get to know someone in order to have a strong relationship with them. When you are trying to get to know another human being you talk to them, build a relationship on trust and forgiveness, and spend quality time with them.  I have learned, especially over the past year here in Honduras, that your relationship with Jesus Christ is no different.

Ever since I can remember I have talked at God.  Yes, I mean it when I say I talked at Him.  I learned all of the important prayers growing up and would say them throughout the day, especially before bed.  I learned that I needed to thank God for everything that He has given me, so I did that.  And I learned that I could ask Him for what I needed, so I did that... a lot.  But it wasn't until I was in college really that I learned that I need to communicate with God.  That I needed not only to be the talker, but also the listener.  That He was patient with me, beyond my comprehension, listening for all that time.  He started slowly revealing Himself to me in ways I never knew the more time that I spent in conversation with Him.  I still have a lot to learn about communicating with God, but I have found that prayer, especially Prayer Through Art allows me to be a more effective listener.

Now all of that talking with God gives me a foundation to begin to truly trust in God.  When He does guide me one way or the other, no matter what my opinion on the matter is, it is because I have gotten to know Him better that I trust His guidance.  Because I am a broken human being, one with many flaws, there is plenty of room for God to work.  Plenty of weaknesses that I am becoming aware of.  Plenty of places where if I step out on my own, without Him at my side, I will fail.  I have learned that I need to spend quality time with Jesus so that He can guide me, protect me, and be my constant support.  And I have come to realize that I am blessed to be able to do so. He is so incredibly present Eucharist.  In every tabernacle of the world, He is waiting.

Waiting for me.

Waiting for you.

He is waiting for you to simply be with Him.  To tell Him your joys, your sorrows, your worries, your dreams.  He is there, patiently waiting for you to let Him speak to you.  You might not realize it at first, but He is present. He is loving you. All of you.  Even your brokenness. The more time you are with Him, the more you get to know Him, the more you will begin to trust in Him.

He is waiting for you today. He is waiting for me.  I challenge you to spend a few minutes today with Him.  And a few minutes tomorrow.  And a few minutes everyday for the rest of your life.  Because He loves you, and He desires nothing more than for you to seek Him and be in His love.

The secret to true joy

Have you ever experienced someone who is truly joyful? And at that, joyful in all situations? Who are they? Why are they able to be so happy?

I found myself asking these questions as I contemplated the first of the Beatitudes. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3)  

The poor in spirit, to me, are the people that realize that they are nothing without God. They see themselves as an instrument of God, not as someone that needs to make things happen for themselves. 

As an American, I was always taught that I could do anything. That if I wanted something, I needed to make it happen. That I was the only one that could make me happy. I was taught by society and culture that the more that I had, whether financial stability, material belongings, or professional success, the happier I would be. 

Then I went on my first international mission trip to Kingston, Jamaica, and the people there didn't have financial stability. They didn't have material possessions. And they didn't have professional success either. But they were the happiest people I had ever met up to that point. What was the one thing that gave them their happiness? The knowledge that they would be taken care of by our Loving God. 

After that trip, I started to see the lack of joy in the country I lived in. I have a few beautiful people in my life at home that I am blessed to call friends, and each of them shares the indescribable joy that the people of Jamaica had. Sometimes that joy is fleeting, but when we return to our Loving Father the joy returns.

Now as I reflect on my time in Honduras, I think of all of the beautiful people I have met that radiate joy. I have been blessed to call many of them my friends. And even though Honduras is a developing country, there are people of all different financial situations here. From the poor to the wealthy here in Honduras, they have a gratitude to God for providing for them. In moments where I tried to make a change, work harder, or "fix" the problem, they trusted in the goodness of The Lord. They knew our Heavenly Father would take care of them. 

I am blessed to have these people as such beautiful examples of faith. Whether they are physically poor or not, they share one common trait. They believe in God more than they believe in themselves. They know that God will take care of them and provide for them everything that they need. They are blessed by being poor in spirit. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is theirs. And God in His infinite love gives them the gift of joy to experience a little bit of heaven here on earth.

My Prayer for Peaceful Protesting

Right now, I feel so blessed to be a citizen in a country where the people have a say in politics, that there is a good sense of checks and balances so that corruption doesn't destroy the country, and that the people feel safe.

The current state in Honduras is not like that. As developing country I can see the people's desire for change.  They want their voice to be heard.  They want the government not to be corrupt.  They want to feel safe and protected in their own country.  As I write this there is a peaceful protest happening outside my window.  They are marching, like they have the past few Sunday nights and as they will continue to do so until they see a change.

My prayer for Honduras is this: That the people may see the change that is necessary for Honduras to become a better, more stable country.  That they will remain peaceful in their pursuit of justice.  That they will see that even in countries like the USA, people protest, disagree, and feel abandoned by the government.  And most of all, I pray that they see the God is with them, protecting them, and loving them even more than they can see in the midst of their struggles.

My Stolen Heart

My heart has been stolen.  Seriously, little bits of it have been taken from me.  So many so that it feels like part of my heart has gone missing. Stolen. Stolen by people I have fallen in love with here in Honduras - my students.

At the beginning of the year I was nervous, but excited, to meet them.  Slowly their personalities began to open up to me.  Each day they let me in a little bit more.  And I let them in a bit more.  They complained about the journals, but they let me in by writing about real things.  I learned so much about them - About what they like, dislike, feel, dream, and believe. And slowly, but surely I shared things about myself with them.  The more we shared, the more I let them into my heart.  The more we shared, the more of my heart they filled. Each day, joy has been brought into my life by these people.  Each day, more opportunities for me to grow because of how they challenged me. Each day, more of my heart went to each one of them.  And now, as the school year is ending I have realized that they have taken little pieces of my heart.  Stolen. Forever.

As I prepare to say goodbye to each of them at the end of this week, I hope they know how much I love each of them.  I hope they know how much I deeply care for each of them, for their success, and for their spiritual well being.  I hope they know that I pray for each of them daily, and I will continue to pray for each of them.  I hope they know that no matter how far away I will be that a little bit of them will always be with me in my heart because the little bits of themselves that they gave me replaced the pieces of my heart that they have stolen.  Because of them - because of their love - I have become a better person.  I have learned more from them than I could have possibly taught them.  And the memories of these moments of learning, kindness, compassion, and love can fill the void of my stolen heart.