Prejudgments

Prejudgments. 

We all make them.

And at that, we immediately let them influence how we react.

One thing I have been trying to do lately is not let my prejudgments determine the situation.  Most of the time, things are not how they immediately appear.  But I allow my judgment, whether of a person, situation, or place, to predetermine how I am going to react.  Being an introvert at heart, new social situations are always challenging.  I sit back, I observe, and then I catch myself judging.  Judging who I should talk to, who I should avoid, or what I should or shouldn't do.  Yes, to an extent that is good - it shows caution. But think of it this way.... what happens when your prejudgments inhibit you from interacting with the people that God is placing in front of you?

Imagine if Jesus had prejudged everyone he met. For example, think of his interaction with the Samaritan woman.  (John 4:7-42) If he would have acted (or failed to act) based on the judgment of her being a Samaritan, he never would have been able to give her the gift of his eternal water.  The Samaritan people wouldn't have been draw to Jesus.  Nothing would have happened if he let a judgment get in the way.

We are called to be like Jesus, acting out of faith, hope, and charity instead of our prejudgments.  God places specific people in our lives at different times for  reason.  They are in front of us because he desires for us to interact with them.  I pray that we learn to stop judging, and start being present to those that are right here.  

Pottery and Docility

This week, the idea of being docile to the movings of the Holy Spirit in my life has really been playing a major theme.  As I slowly discern what is next, there a many roadblocks that seem to be appearing.  So many at times that I feel like I can barely see the road ahead.  But with trust in the Lord, I continue to journey forward with a knowing that He will guide me.  And I also have a firm understand that God is transforming me, moment by moment as I accept His will for me.  He is working in my heart as I offer more and more of it to Him.  

As I was reading one of my daily Lenten reflections, I came across Jeremiah 18: 3-6

I went down to the potter’s house and there he was, working at the wheel.  

Whenever the object of clay which he was making turned out badly in his hand, 

he tried again, making of the clay another object of whatever sort he pleased.  

Then the word of the Lord came to me: 

Can I not do to you, house of Israel, as this potter has done? says the Lord.  

Indeed, like clay in the hands of the potter, so are you in my hand.

The Potter: What a beautiful image, although I have heard it a million times. “God is the potter and we are the clay.” So many times I have heard it!  But today, the thought of what it means to be good clay sprang into my mind.  The clay isn’t dried out.  It isn’t crumbling.  At the same time, it isn’t so wet that it won’t hold a form either.  It is good.  It has great docility.  It doesn’t have any resistance to the potter. It’s not fighting against what He wants of it.  It allows Him to work and rework it over and over again into whatever sort he pleased. We need to humble ourselves, surrender our will, and be completely docile to the transformation that the Lord is trying to make in us.  If we resist, we will turn out badly.  But our loving Father, even when we have turned out badly, will continue to work in us to rework our souls if we let Him.

My prayer is that we all learn to become docile clay in the Divine Creator’s hands.  That we will trust that He is working great miracles in our hearts.  That we will humble ourselves to give our will over to His.  For His will for us is love itself. 

Lent: A Season of Contemplation

Lent is a wonderful season within the church to help up to take a step back... calm down our lives... and truly contemplate God’s love for us.  This year for Lent, in order to truly contemplate God in His infinite goodness, I am working on spending more quality time with God whether through prayer, service, or in the Eucharist.

This Lenten season has been truly blessed so far!

The very first weekend of Lent, I was blessed to be able to go on a retreat here in a Honduras called "Pan de Vida,” meaning “Bread of Life.”  It was lead by the Missioners of Christ and the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. God definitely blessed me with a great gift of understanding throughout the retreat.  Everything was in Spanish and I actually was able to listen, comprehend, AND take notes in English!  I was so excited when I understood the first talk, and all the talks after! Also, I was able to help minister to others on the retreat by being part of the worship band.  Singing in Spanish definitely came easier by the grace of God and the help of the rest of the musicians.  The retreat started with a beautiful mass said by 4 of the Franciscan Friars here in Honduras.

The overarching theme is the Eucharist, and how God is the center of our lives.  To make this point even more evident, Jesus was exposed in the Blessed Sacrament the whole time! (Awesome!)  All talks, reflections, and praise and worship music were truly centered around the Eucharist.  It was so amazing to have a Christ centered weekend.

One things that I definitely spent a lot of time contemplating during the retreat is God's infinite ability to sustain us.  His love for us is unending, and much like a parent loves, cares for, and forgives their child, so does our Heavenly Father.  He provides for us our every need if we simple turn to Him.  He understands when we have made mistakes and he forgives us through the sacrament of reconciliation.  He will take care of us, sustain us, time and time again if we turn to Him and let Him truly be the center and the focus of our lives.

I was blessed to be able to share this retreat with some of my students and co-workers from ICB! It was great to connect with them through such a beautiful encounter with Christ.

This past Friday, I went to "Via Cruz" which is The Stations of the Cross.  I was in wonder and awe as we began.  In Honduras (and other parts of Central America) you walk around the streets of the town, with Jesus praying the different stations.  There are many acolytes, readers, and banner holders.  The priest has a microphone that is projected from a truck.  It is a huge procession where you sing in between each station.  It was awesome to see more people join in the procession as we ventured through the town. 

As I walked through the streets with the great procession, I was contemplating the journey of Jesus while carrying his cross and how Mary must have felt.  During the 4th station, I was standing directly under the gaze of Jesus.  My heart began to crumble as I imagined the pain Mary must have felt as she looked upon her son under such circumstances.  Just as I was about to tear up, it began to gently rain.  It was in that moment my contemplation gained a new dimension, Mary didn't just tear up, she must have be weeping.  Her son! My brother! My Lord! Our God! Being tortured in such a way - oh, the pain Mary must have felt!  The pain that I had a glimpse into. Jesus' love for me and the world had never been so explicit!

At the very end of stations, we all returned back to the cathedral for the closing prayers surrounding the Resurrection.  I was struck with awe as we approached the Eucharist Chapel.  There, in front of our eyes, was our hope, our Lord! As we knelt, praying, it was beautiful to be in the presence of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament!

Needless to say, my Lenten journey has been full of contemplation.  I hope that you take time this Lent to turn to God, and learn and understand His love more fully.  He is always with you.  Turn to Him, and He will sustain you!

Roots

Right now, I am frequently being asked questions similar to this one, "What are your plans for next year?"  Some people are that explicit and just ask, others imply I should know what I'm doing, and yet I know others are hoping that I will just tell them.  Well, I have been praying about it quite a bit and God hasn't yet made it clear.  But I've been praying that in His time, He will reveal it to me.

One part of the discernment that is digging at me is that I finally feel like I have been planted here.  That I have finally started to put some roots down at the school.  I am forming meaningful relationships with my students.  I am finally starting to understand more spanish and I am connecting with more and more of my coworkers.  There are real, genuine friendships that are in the process of growing with my friends here. And I finally feel like I am doing something positive, that I am comfortable enough to spread God's love.  So the question is, does God really want me to rip up the roots that I have made? 

As I was praying about all of this, God called to mind lovely words from my dear friend, Natalie.  In a note that she wrote me before coming to Honduras she said "Home is wherever the voice of the Lord calls! Run to Him!" These words calmed my confused and lost soul in that moment.  Yes, I may be finally settling in and growing here, but my roots are not in Honduras.  They aren't in Pittsburgh, either.  They are in Christ.  I have been planted in Him, by Him, for Him.  No matter what, I am always going to be able to grow, to flourish, to bear fruit because my roots are on firm ground. My roots are in Christ.

Needless to say, I do not know where God's voice is calling me to for next year.  But I am ready to run to Him when I hear it.  Confident that I will be home with Him and my roots will be deeply planted in Him, wherever on the earth that might be. 

Newly Resurrected

Today I had the opportunity to go to confession.  I strongly dislike going to confession before I go, I mean, who truly likes going and admitting to themselves and to God all of the ways they have struggled to honor Him? Mmm, not me.  I am ashamed and guilty and I just usually don't want to do it.  But I know that Jesus invites us to come to Him.  He calls us to Him, to purify our hearts and reunite us to Him. And as soon as I walk into the confessional, I feel peace. Peace that we have a loving and merciful God.  How lucky are we to know that our God loves us and is always seeking for us to draw closer to Him! God is so incredibly good!

After I was absolved from my sins today, I went to pray my penance.  As I knelt in the chapel before the tabernacle praying the 1st Glorious Mystery - The Resurrection, I had a revelation.  It was then that God allowed me to realize that Confession allows for an immediate Resurrection.  My soul was cleans, revived to life, by the saving grace of reconciliation.  It was through confession that I was able to walk out of the tomb of my sin.  I have left behind the burial cloths of guilt and shame.  I have been made new even though I look the same.  I still carry my scars, just as Jesus did. He had them in his newly resurrected form so that people would be able to know and relate to Him.

Then he said to Thomas, 

“Put your finger here and see my hands, 

and bring your hand and put it into my side, 

and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”

-John 20:27

God is calling each of us to be resurrected.  Each of us to the sacrament of Reconciliation to be made new, to be revived in Him.  We may still have the scars of our sin after, but we have been forgiven.  And hopefully, if we let them, our scars will allow us to bring others to Christ.

A Model of Work

Lately, a lot of my thoughts during prayer have been about work - current work, past work, future work.  I've been thinking about the joys and the frustrations.  Reflecting on moments where I am not proud of my actions, whether I yelled at my students because they haven't followed a direction for the millionth time or ignored a bad behavior correction because I didn't have the energy to deal with it.  And also the good moments, the ones where I help a student truly understand, or I have the opportunity to encourage a student and build up their self-esteem.  I know that there is a lot of parts to my job that require me to serve my students, but sometime it's hard to keep that focus in a room full of personalities and behaviors. The more I struggle, the more I pray.  And the main goal of all of this prayer is to figure out, not only my long term vocation, but how to live out my daily vocation to love my students and how to make those moments blessed and oriented towards God.

God has opened up a wonderful revelation to me - Jesus lived a life, very similar to ours before he began his apostolic ministry.  He spent his days working as a carpenter, talking to clients that purchased his product, interacting with Mary, Joseph, and friends, and living a simple life.  No bells and whistles, nothing extraordinary, just a normal working life. 

The only thing that was different about Jesus' work in comparison to ours is that his work was flawless. His work was perfect because he, in fact, was perfection.  

Through prayer I have come to realize that in order to sanctify our lives and to prepare ourselves for whatever God is calling us to next, we need to work on perfecting our work as much as possible.  Not perfecting it for ourselves, but perfecting it so that it may honor God.  God is aware of our human nature, he knows that we are flawed and therefore the things we create will have flaws.  However, if we can aim for the perfection in order to bring praise to God (not ourselves) then we are sanctifying our lives.  God doesn't ask us for perfection, he asks us for holiness.  And by making our work an act of prayer, an act of sanctification, then we turn every moment into an opportunity for growth and holiness. May we alway orient ourselves to thank the One who created us!

A Blessed Return

I arrived back in Honduras on Wednesday afternoon, over 24 hours late due to snow and ice.  After two days of travel, I was really glad to land in Honduras and see the beautiful blue skies and lush green landscapes.  Immediately, I was thankful to God for the blessing of being back.  After being home for 5 weeks, I missed a lot of things about being here.  I missed my students, my coworkers, and the kiddos at the Missionaries of Charity, as well as silly things like sunshine, fresh avocados, and my little apartment.

But over the 5 weeks, I started to settle back into the comforts of life at home - family, friends, the ability to drive a car.... just to name a few. However, as those comforts have been stripped away God has blessed me with a giant realization. It is only when all of our comforts are taken away that we truly learn how to love as Christ loves.   During Christ's apostolic period, he did not have many comforts.  He was traveling, unsure of where to sleep, and where his next meal was coming from.  He had one place to truly find rest, and that was in His Father - Our Father.

God has blessed me with being able to see Him in many different places since my return. The smiles and warm greetings of my coworkers, the willingness to work and joy of my students, and the beauty of the world surrounding me all show God's never ending love.  I had a very concrete moment of love and joy upon returning to the Missionaries of Charity to volunteer with the women and children there.  Their embraces and laughter radiated Christ's love.  I am so blessed to have them in my life.

I've realized, that like Jesus, my comfort needs to come from my heavenly Father.  I have been trying to see the face of God in each person I interact with each day.  I have also been spending more time in prayer - especially prayer in front of the blessed sacrament. It is at Adoration that we are in the presence of the One who is love itself.  The One who created me to love and to be loved.  Unless I know the love that the Father has for me, I cannot share it.  It is there that I find peace and strength to continue to love everyday.

I'm praying for all of you!