Surrender

Living with 3 beautiful, holy women, the conversation of vocations comes up often.  What are we called to? How do we meet our future spouse? What if God is calling us to religious life? Why hasn't God told me yet? How... ? What if...? When....?

It's so easy to get caught up in the questions.  So easy to feel pressure from the world to know and to act and to love.  Romantic comedies and TV shows make falling in love seem so easy, with few moments of struggle and many moments of joy and happiness.  Sometime looking at a religious you just see their determination and assume it was easy for them to get there.  Well, finding your vocation isn't a romantic comedy, and it surely isn't something that you can just set your mind to and instantly know.



Finding your vocation takes time.
         Time in prayer.
                  Time getting to know yourself.
                           Time getting to know our loving God.
                  Time to grow closer to God.
         Time to put others needs first.
And most importantly, time to surrender to God.



It is God who has always and will always love us.  It is God who gives us everything we need.  It is God's plan that is far better than anything that we can imagine.  So, I am trying to surrender.  Try to keep my focus solely on God.  Through him, I know the greatest love I could ever have. And I encourage you to do the same.

Here is a prayer that I have found to be very helpful from St. Anthony of Padua.

Be Satisfied with Me 

(by St. Anthony of Padua)

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied,

Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,

Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,

That I have planned for you.

You will never be united to another

Until you are united with Me.

Exclusive of anyone or anything else.

Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you

The most thrilling plan existing, one you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry

Don’t look around at things others have gotten

Or that I have given them

Don’t look around at the things you think you want,

Just keep looking off and away up to Me,

Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love

Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,

I am working even at this moment

To have both of you ready at the same time.

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me

And the life I prepared for you,

You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.

And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.

And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly. I Am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.

Ada Griscell

I have been blessed here in Honduras with a wonderful group of students to work with.  I have really grown to know and love each of them individually. I would like to introduce you to one of my eighth graders, Ada Griscell.

I am really distraught over one of my students in particular, Ada Griscell - she is sick. I have known that she was sick since the beginning of school when I received the note from the guidance office saying I always needed to let her go to the nurse if she asked, but I didn't know the details.  As I was reading her autobiographical incident essay, I realized the difficulty and severity of her illness. Her essay detailed how she found out she was sick and everything she has been through since. She suffers from Arteriovenous Malformation, a life threatening condition that causes her to have brain hemorrhages and seizures.  Luckily, this problem can be corrected with multiple brain surgeries.

But my heart is breaking because her family cannot afford the surgeries.  Her life is truly at risk.  And unlike the United States, where you get to pay for surgeries after they happen and you have insurance to help you pay for them, that is not the case here in Honduras.  All money for the procedure must be given before the procedure starts.  Because they cannot afford the surgery, it won't happen. When speaking with her mom at conferences through a translator, I was able to see her pain and how it was affecting all of those that love her. They are prayerfully waiting for God to bless them with the financial resources to help this wonderful 8th grader, Griscell, have this life-changing surgery.

So with the support from her family, I have decided to try to help by creating a Go Fund Me page for her. I encourage you to love her as much as I do, as much as her family does.  Help her and her family by constantly praying for them.  If you can, donate to help her.  Every dollar counts.

Thank you for your prayers and generosity!

Climbing Las Nalgas

As I have previously written about in My Mountain Tops, I pray best when hiking.  Being in nature and seeing the beauty of the Divine Creator makes me realize the boundless love of God.  I have been missing it greatly since arriving in Honduras.  God has blessed me and allowed me to learn to see His goodness in a many new ways.  I have learned how to pray, even in the noise, even away from nature.    But this past weekend, I am so grateful I got to pray in the way I know best - hiking!

Julie and I ventured back to Lago de Yojoa and we were blessed with absolutely beautiful weather! Bright blue skies, nice warm sunshine, and enjoyable temperatures made for an amazing hiking opportunity.  So on Saturday afternoon we met up with our local tour guide, Freddy, and we started walking to "Las Nalgas".  (If you want a good laugh, look up the translation.)  I was surrounded by little gifts from God and we headed towards our goal.

The climb was good, muddy, and steep.  I was able to reflect on challenges and perseverance in regards to faith as I encountered them physically.  The elevation change required multiple breathing breaks, including one where I almost sent Julie and Freddy ahead without me.  But I was remind of God's grace and patience as Julie insisted that they wait for me.  It was such a wonderful reminder that we cannot do things alone and that God will never leave us abandoned.  

When we finally made it to the top, we went to the town-side viewpoint first.  It was breathtaking! Large birds soaring overhead, blue skies, the mountains in the distance, and the town in the valley.  Everything seemed to be a peace - quiet and calm. We sat for a while, silently absorbing all of God's goodness.  My heart was so joyful in the silence and I couldn't help but feel the embrace of our loving Father through the beauty around me.

After relaxing and soaking it all in for a bit, we moved over to the lake-side viewpoint. This view was even more stunning than the first!  The predominately clear skies, the beautiful mountains, the clear lake, and the gorgeous marshland was incredible to see! 

As I stood at the top, I reflected on God's great goodness and His never ending love for me.  I am happy that I was able to climb Las Nalgas and I hope I have the opportunity to hike and pray again soon!

Contemplative Doodles

About a month ago, I shared a post about a book that I'm reading called Seeking the Beloved by Wayne Simsic.  Over the past month, this book has really helped to change my outlook on the darkness that I have been feeling in prayer.  Once again, I highly recommend this book to anyone that has been feeling the darkness in their life.  This book just keeps providing me with reassurance that God is present in the distance I feel and that he is using this time to make me grow even closer to Him. 

Well my most recent inspiration from this book has affirmed me in my new way of prayer that I started this year in Honduras - Prayer Doodles.  As a teacher, I have always thought of doodles as distracting and a lack of paying attention; A student mindlessly drifting away into a drawing.  And while I still might stop a student from doodling in class, I have learned that there is something meditative to it when doodling during prayer.  I have the ability to clear my mind completely as I color in the phrases or scriptures that God has placed on my heart.  I have a moment to sit with them, let them sink in, and truly rest in their presence. One of the reflections for Chapter 5 "From Meditation to Contemplation" really emphasizes this point.

Remember that contemplative prayer is not limited to the words or even silence;

 it can flow from and through everything we do.  

God's creative impulse to express something of the divine creation

 also finds expression in our own creativity. 

I know the concept of prayer doodling may be a little outside of the box.  In case you don't understand what I mean, here are a few that I am willing to share with the world - the rest are created solely for the divine creator. 

I encourage you to sit in God's presence.  Let the spirit guide you.  If you feel God's creative impulse come over you, whether it's doodling, singing, writing, creating... Do it!  God is working in you in those moments, drawing you closer to Him.  Get lost for a little bit in the grace of God's love flowing through you.  

The Story of an Adventure: Risk, Failure, and Growth

This weekend Ashley, Jenny, Julie, and I went away to a beautiful lake called Lago de Yojoa.  It was a great weekend of relaxation and we had the opportunity to socialize with new people.  Needless to say, it was wonderful! I am going to only share one story, about one risk that I took, but be assured the rest of the weekend was blessed and much needed!

My morning oasis!

On Friday, we went tubing down the canal to the lake.  At 10 am we met our guides and two friends we met the night before, Will and Pat. We grabbed our tubes and followed our Honduran guides down the road to the put in for the canal. When I think of a float, I imagine the relaxing, slow paced, let's hang out and talk type experience.  To my surprise, (and delight,) this was a lot faster paced and bit more exciting!  It is rainy season here in Honduras and the water was moving quite fast.  I thought it was exhilarating flying down the river and maneuvering through small little rapids, although some of the others didn't really feel the same way as they lost flip flops, hats, and even took a quick and unexpected swim.  The lush greenery and jungle-esq atmosphere flew past us as we floated on by.  It was awesome! The adventure really paid off at the end when the canal emerged into the calm, warm lake.  The mountains became visible through the sea of lavish trees and then as the trees dissipated, the lake appeared, so beautiful... so radiant... so incredibly perfect! I was so thankful and joyful in that moment.  I stopped forging ahead and just sat gazing in awe at the beauty that surrounded us.  The sun shining down, the warm water under me, and the magnificent view - I just felt so incredibly blessed to be able to experience this.

We didn't have a camera on our adventure, but I found this on
the Lago de Yojoa Facebook page.  It looks very close to
what we saw!

Then the tour guide asked who wanted to go cliff jumping.  I immediately said yes.  This is something I have wanted to do for a long time.  I know this might not be a risk that many want to take, but since I was a little kid and watched the episode of Full House where Becky and Jesse jump off the cliff into the water in Hawaii I have wanted to do it.  It just has always looked like something completely thrilling!  So Jenny, Julie, and I worked our way over the the climbing point.  The climbing point is basically an 80 degree rock climb.  There was no ladder or designated foot pegs to assist you on the 30 ft+ assent.  The guide flew up with ease.  Jenny climbed first hesitating a bit to find the proper hand/foot holds, then Julie followed suit and managed to work her way up quite quickly.  I was last to go.  I was over half way up on the climb when I realized the next place I wanted to step was too wet from Jenny and Julie to step onto.  When I realized how slippery it was, I asked for a little help from the people below to guide my steps because it was difficult to see.  Pat gave me some great advice and I agreed.  There was a risk though, I couldn't test the second foothold.

Well, I went for it.  I put my left leg where it needed to go and pulled up to place my right leg where I couldn't test it earlier.  It was too slick, there was no grip.  Suddenly, I realized I had lost my balance and I was falling.  My hand started to rip across the rocks and my left hiking sandal came undone as I quickly tried to gather my footing tearing my foot open.  My torso hit the rock hard and I was sliding down.  Within an instant I realized that there was no regaining my grip and I pushed myself off of the wall and back into the water.  Luckily on the way down I did not hit my head or break any bones.  Just a lot of scrapes and bruises, predominately on my left side.

In the moment, I felt fear, embarrassment, and defeat.  I hadn't been able to complete a climb that the two other girls in front of me could and I risked my life by doing so.  An adventure that I have wanted for years left unfulfilled.  I had failed.  And let me tell you, failure hurts.

But as I swam back to my tube with my body and my pride hurting, I thought to myself "This could have been so much worse. I could have a concussion right now, I could have a broken bone.... but I don't. I am alive and well."  Although I'm a bit cut-up and bruised,  I was protected by God's great love for me.  I took a risk, one that I have always wanted to.  Even though I failed in the physical assent, I was reminded of God's great love for me.

In the future, I have decided that I want to take more risks - not just in my adventures, but in relationships with others and with God.  I have always been a cautious person with a lot of big dreams.  Dreams that God has given me.  But rarely do I step outside of my comfort zone and try to accomplish those things because I am scared of the failure.  I want to take the risk (and possibly fail) so that I have the opportunity to grow.  By taking a risk and stepping outside of my introverted self to talk to someone new, I can make a new friend.  By taking a risk and praying in a way I have never tried before, I can grow closer to God.  By trying to climb a giant rock wall, I could be able to fulfill a dream.  Worse case scenario, I fail.  But I know, deep down, that God will always be there to protect me and keep me safe.  Just like he did as I failed this time.  He loves and will always be there for me.